Journal

You’ve heard of RA - rheumatoid arthritis. Well not only do I have that but now I have RB! That’s right Revenge Backfired! I got a major case of it.

Speaking of cases I did indeed make my furry faced hubby’s pillows devoid of them and I also short changed the foot of the bed on the hubby’s side in attempts to gain revenge from the case of the teddy bear snatcher. Could we say bad idea homer?

I was happily typing away in the living room and he decides to go to bed before me. "Ah ha!", I say to myself with an evil grinch like grin. This surely will result in a most rewarding howl from upstairs.

So I sit and I wait. I wait and I sit. I tap my foot patiently. I tap my foot impatiently. I look at the clock and nothing has happened in 30 minutes from when I heard the bedroom door close. What the?!?

I decide oh well he is probably keeping mum so as to not reward my efforts and no doubt will we ensue in a blanket pulling war because of them as well. And I type away for another hour or two before heading to bed myself.

I go up the stairs with my silly grin on my face expecting to see some pathetic existence in the bedroom due to my revenge efforts and what should I see but one furry faced hubby on my side of the bed! With my teddy bears! All snugly and happy and oblivious to the cold coverless "his" side of the bed!

The smirk falls from my face and drops fast to the floor as I realize I’d been had by my own devices! I can honestly say at this point the smirk is having a harder time getting off the floor then I do.

Now some may say just wake him and inform him to go on his side of the bed. But alas this is a man that can sleep through a nuclear bomb! I kid you not my ferrets have held a dancing party on his chest only to dance wilder as his snoring increased!

I may have enough faith to move a mountain but this man is by far much much bigger then a mountain! Not only that this mountain had secured all four of my stuffies in some fashion or another within the confines of his limbs!

Limbs greater and stronger then a big ol’ oak tree. Pout. Pout.

So I went to the closet and obtained pillow cases for his pillows. Tugged and pulled the corner of his side of the bed into correct alignment. And then horror of all horrors I had to resort to my second string entourage of teddy bears to support my achy body parts.

Granted second string is nice and they are a wonderful crew but they aren’t the first string. The only thing that really compensated for it was his side of the bed even though with clean cases had the distinct fur face smell to it that I do so love.

You know love is a horrid thing. Here it put a smile on my face even though I was hanging out with second string when really I should have found some dynamite to blow a hole through that mountain and old oak tree!

Eh love!

Okay when I think of RA and the word thief is used in conjunction with it I immediately think of all the things it "steals".

It steals your dignity at times, it definitely takes your pride down a notch. It steals your ability walk, get on the floor with your kids or pets - no wait we can get there it’s just we aren’t getting back up!

It can steal your ability to have clean cloths. Can’t take the clothes down or back up to the washing machine and even if you could sometimes the cap on the cleaning fluid refuses to come off.

You know I even tried the option of just leaving the cap off and you know what I found? I found insects are not too bright. I am certain they thought oh nice dark cool container that smells great and before they new it their wings and legs were covered in goo and they simply find moving harder and harder and simply can't get out - oddly like me from the tub on a really bad flare day.

Oh my word. Those poor little bugs probably can relate to how RA makes me feel more then my family members! But I digress.

Speaking of family members this is where the real thief comes in. See I am a huge supporter of using teddy bears to prop my cranky body parts into the perfect position for sleep. Not only does their fur calm me but it radiates heat unlike a pillow making them even better yet.

Not to mention their limbs and body shapes are made into contours that simply a pillow or a husband can’t conform to, to support me. Now speaking of my furry faced hubby, he has always viewed the teddy bears as competition for my affection but because he does love me he "allows" them into our bed.

Now I usually only have one teddy bear in the bed to support a constantly cranky wrist and hand. However, since I am still on hold for my new cocktail of drugs until the 24th of July (yes that long away - horror of horror I say!) I have another one that has been snuggling my knees, another one that hugs my back, and yet another for my elbow. So four in total with my elbow bear.

It would seem like this should be enough, but lo and behold what should I find but my knee, back and elbow hurting this morning. I roll over, which I should be able to do as the entourage of teddy bears usually keeps me in place, and what do I see but a furry face of a husband sleeping with a rather huge grin I might add surround by three teddy bears!

I now understand his feelings of competition for affection. Here he was holding Kinsey my knee bear so close and lovingly. Edward my elbow bear isn’t entwined completely in his arms but he does have one hand delicately placed on his belly.

It was indeed so cute to see his hand twitching and grabbing the teddy bears belly. The teddy bear looked oddly happy too like a two year old being tickled. But I digress once again.

To top it of Buffy the back bear was no longer at someone’s back but was warming my hubby’s package! Oh no. No jealousy here. Nope not one bit.

After taking in how adorable this puddle of furry bears and furry hubby was I finally get a little annoyed he stole my RA bears! So as any woman, okay more like a spoiled child in this case would, I go to reclaim my bears and what should happen but he clenches down on all three of them! RA Thief! RA Thief! RA Thief!

Me thinks tonight he might be surprised to find no pillow cases on his pillows! Ah revenge is so sweat. You steal my bears I steal your cases making your pillows naked! Mwah ha ha ha!

Okay maybe I shouldn’t be on any drugs after all - or is it more I need? LOL

Being the only female in a two male chauvinistic home, you can bet that even though I am the arthritic one that cleaning is "my job".

It’s ironically a job I will never loose no matter how disabled I become. For at that point I am certain fur face will hire someone to come in and clean up. Something of which I simply can’t stand for as I am CDO (OCD for those who don’t have the disorder) and a cleaning person could never do it right for me.

So here I am in this lovely home with two bathrooms and two grown men. I know things could be worse, they could be two preteen males!

You ladies all know where I am going with this. Tired males, inattentive, or just plain sloppy. Yes I have heard several times that you just don’t know the force at which it will come out or if it will even go straight at times. So why then can’t you take a tissue and clean up after yourself?

Both have proclaimed you simply can’t see it till it dries and then it doesn’t just mop up with a swipe. Sigh. Men.

So this morning I abruptly woke at 7:00AM and "shingled" my sink. I did the courtesy rinse of the sink, but as it had totally wore me out because I had hacked up not only a lung but vomited so apparently part of my stomach too, I was beat. My courtesy rinse apparently left a shingle or two behind.

So what should I hear at 8:00AM but sincere moans of putrefaction of the growdies I left in the sink. Bemoaning upon moans of how utterly gross this was and hurried steps to use the other "clean" bathroom.

Now first of all how did these two ever change a diaper? Both proclaim they have. I just don’t see it. Or perhaps they can handle the brown or green goo but heaven forbid a baby ever spit up on them! (Said in Monty Python Quest for the Holy Grail voice) Run away!

Then to top it off I got to hear about this delightful topic all through dinner. Yes a perfect time to discuss shingles in the sink don’t you think? Yes pass me the au gratin potatoes and peas and tell me some more how the sink looked!

And how many, many, many times have I gotten up, sat down on the toilet - no this is not they left the lid up complaint, it’s much worse - only to find my freshly put on sock soaking up or my new nylons seeping through with pee dribbles from some male who missed the target!

Cold, eventually sticky, pee puddles. Yet do I get to complain of this over their dinner. Nooooo. Even if I tried to we quickly refocus to the latest basketball game, or how the hot chic next door wears a thong when mowing, or the squeaky noise the truck is making.

And do they bother to clean up the shingles? Why noooooooo. Instead we find it highly amusing to put yellow caution tape across the bathroom door and write in my lipstick on the mirror, "CAUTION. Toxic Waste.", with an arrow pointing towards the sink.

I can obviously now see why I am living with these two pee puddlers. Because only their mother, their father, or this woman with the will of God in her could possible find any humor in this at all.