radionut's Journal

O gawd, I really don't want to go to today's session.  It's not even a big deal but I hate anything that makes me go outside.  I like going out but I also dislike it.  There's a hermit growing inside of me and it's sitting its stinky ass on my social self.

I thought having a pet was supposed to be therapeutic.  I think Bella makes me even more of a homebody.  She does make me feel good but all I want to do is just hold her and sleep.

Why is it so easy to fall asleep during the day when it's torture at nights?

I cried when I told Abby that I was so happy with the boyfriend.  I cried because having such distinctly different emotions tearing me apart is painful.  I'm so happy while I am so unhappy.  I know why I am unhappy, though.  I know what the problem is.  However, I am unable to reach a solution.  That is why I am unhappy.

I wish my parents would approach me differently.  I wish they could understand me.  I feel like the rest of the world understands me when I all I want is for those two people to understand.

I think I'd be so much happier if they could change their attitudes.

Today, I will see Abby.  I don't want to but I will.  Afterwards, I will stop by the store and copy down my work schedule.  Afterwards, I will go downtown and ask if anybody is hiring.

I've been trying this thing where I list only 3 things to do at a time.  The initial list goes unchanged for days.  It's pretty lame.  

I know now that I deserve the good things in life.  I finally understand that I have such a great man because I fucking DESERVE IT.  I see the biggest morons finishing their college degrees and I acknowledge that I deserve it, too, and thensome.  I fucking deserve a well-paying job and I deserve to be loved and respected.  I need to focus.