Journal

I now have decided no more will this weight thing control my life in anyway

from now on you bet I am going to totally work on this weight control and the

excercise all together,

Just tired of telling myself   "will start tomarrow"  when in reality knowing I am

just postponing it.  So from this day forward I am going to give it the best I can

and knowing from time to time I will slip just knowing this will help me to acknowlege

it ahead of time and make me want to work harder at this ahead of time as well.

Just got tired of the stairs from all that I know whom know how much I use to weight and look before I let myself go and you know as well I want that feeling inside me back of knowing I can get up without that struggle blaming it on the furniture or something of that sort, hope I have gotten this all down right but if not as long as I can tell myself inside there is happyness and a better me out there somewhere just got to find it  and its like the weight and healthyness is the on a path I got to just get the right trail.. 

I have started with the excercise part already this last week and the walking as well.   So happy that I got to that part, for me it is a big deal because it is starting and hoping this doesnt slip again..  NOPE CAN'T  LET  IT

Could use all the support and diet cooking tips as much as you can help with since I do have to unfortantly cook...

I guess I could simply sum this up as a very confusing time that seems to go on and on and just cant figure where or how to get the support I just wish and dream of having but honestly dont thing that kind will ever be for me.  I set here at the moment with tears in my eyes seems as if that is all I ever do here or anywhere, I dont really fool with this site very oftern at all like I said I just dont know if I would get any kind of encorgment I need or even if so reconize it.

Gosh I seem to bable all the time and avoid the main stuff because when I do try to get something out I just get the inpression I am intruding on some space or they really dont want to hear it anymore,  I am guessing I keep going over and over some issues either because I dont know how to say it, or the lack of true concern when I watch others female or males so close and able to make friends and share their lives together as good friends I always envey that and wonder why , and will I ever have that and yes I try to talk and so many times get ignored,and most of the time its simple little things to get in a conversation but still ignored what in the world is so wrong with me and my gosh,  What do I need to do just to have a friend and true friend all I have is just myself and each day I feel that slipping away.

Now I am divorced and really could use a true friend, my daughters (2) doen't seem to have time for me at all.. not a joke either I can count one one hand how many times my grown girls will even come to see me and when my mother does its always a something I am doing wrong in my life , we argue all the time when around each other because I just simply tell  her I dont  want to hear that stuff anymore, well then its my family they have never came to visit me and live only in the next county away.   funny how things sure show you that your no worth being around.. So got a good one for you... I am just going to up and move to the upper part of the state I am in and its very close to the boarder of another state altogether so guess I will not be loosing much dont have them around anyways,  you know I am just glad someone in this world can be really happy in at least some ways but it will never happen for me because if anything your children and family in my book is the fall back hand. 

So bless you all and best wishes in life.

T