RosanneA's Journal

Life has been handing me lemmons lately. I had been loose a grip on my program mainly because of my co-depandancy issues. My grandaughters father went back to prison last week and my daughter has been acting out all over the place. When my grandaughter told me, mommy hurt her, I lost it. I confronted her but have since lost all serenity. My daughter has been raging at me and I have been calling her obcessing about my grandaughter and my daughter choices. She keeps hanging up on me because I`am in her face with too many questions and opinions. I was a complete mess yesterday. I had sleepless night last night and thought in the long term I may need to get social services involved if this continues or esculates but I need some support to do this. I`am terrified to do something like that becuase. My daughter would know it was me and she would probaly stop me from seeing my grandaughter if I ever did this. I`am not sure if ss would give me temp custody, which I would
want. What if they put her in a horrible foster home. All these unknowns... too much for one person with no support.

Today my mother called. God, this woman means well and I should have known better. When I told her a little about whats going on. First of all my parents have NEVER been supportive. They do not even know what the word means. Yet I went to the dry well. She said"Your going to do the wrong thing" if you call on her! I lost it and hung up on her. I have never hung up on my mother. Then I called her back and said, why cant you ever support me. She denies that she isnt supporting me and says its ok if you dont want to talk to me and then hangs up on me.
I felt so much guilt!!! My mother has breast cancer that is in remission. I have never done this but I`am sitting with this. I didnt do anything wrong. People get mad all the time. I tried to call her back and talk about how I was feeling but she hung up on me. I figue maybe I write her a note on a card. She`s the type that can carry a grudge but I dont want to project...

Later in the day I rode to a park to see my grandaughter, I knew she was there with her mom and who do I see her mom back with?
The ex husband, the absusive druggie.. She comes over to me and says, "mom, hes going into a detox tommorrow" like that will make him all better. I said, you just don`t want to be      alone.  She denied, denied, denied..    Little grandaughter just looks at me and says I miss you! I hope she can come over and stay tommorrow night.
So, my lemmon days are really piling on.

On a positive note I went to my primary care doc and she noticed a note from a neurologist
I saw a couple months ago. I left dissapointed because he told me he didnt know what was going on with the head/face pain but in her notes today she read something else.That I should be seeing a specialist for someone with nerv  damage and he named off two specialists in the Boston area. All this time and I never knew. I called one of them today and the first opening was in June!
Anyway, I rambled on long enough. Thanks to anyone still reading.

Hugs,
Rosanne

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