BazLazarus's Journal

But I am angry, miserable and I am pursuing a real need to be alone.

Sad and depressing.

I have no idea what sparked this great low but its hurting me after so long of feeling reasonably well.

Ive reverted 2fold.

My weed intake over the past week alone has been a half ounce. Out of those 7 days, I spent two nights with others who smoke. My consumption has been disgusting.

I take longer walking the dog each night because its the only time I actually get to be alone. I get really pissed off when I meet another dog walker because it ruins that sense of being alone all to quickly.

Ive deleted my friends because I dont deserve to have any. Yes I should check that thought but the pressure of having to maintain and cherish those friendships is to much for me. It really is quite pathetic, so I end up not maintaining them. I had a lot of people on my list who I hadnt communicated with in ages, thats not their fault, its mine.

Im riddled with guilt for feeling so hateful at the moment, I dont want anyone else to bear my sorrow. That is the pressure that hurts me the most.