kells1043's Journal

Im fighting of the urges to cry, vomit, and pass out all at the same time.  Tomorrow we take Jonathan to Santa Rosa Hospital to get a catheter put in and then, assuming the doctors feel its okay to continue, Wednesday will be his first heart surgery.  This is what we've been waiting for.  This is our biggest battle yet...so part of me is very relieved its finally here, but on the other hand I feel like such a big baby because Im starting to lose my grip on my sanity.  The doctors have made it clear this surgery is more risky for my son since he has a tracheostomy.  I must have been told that at least 10 times...thank you ...I know!! I promised myself I wouldnt cry...at least infront on him.  I dont want him to feel how scared I am.  I want him to feel comforted and loved. So anyway,  many many many things have been going on since the day we finally got to bring him home, so I havent even had a chance to brace myself for this surgery.  I guess you can never be 100% comfortable with it anyway.  We've done everything we can on our end though...we've asked for everyone we know to pray for him and had him blessed....we've tried our best to keep him healthy and fat....and we've definitely loved on him every moment we could.  I believe deep down he's going to make it through this just fine...just like everything thing else he has.  He's too strong not to.