Journal

You know everything's been good, I thought moving up here would be a great idea. But it's also been really hard on me. I'm living with my boyfriend but he's in college now. Some days I can't stand it because I don't get to see him during the day, and he's always seeming upset at times. Like today, at his friends, his friends wanted me to play a game that I didn't want to play and he got all mad. But you know, somethings I'm trying to get used to. Just moved up here about 5 days ago, and it's getting harder. I'm in a dom/sub relationship with my boyfriend which does make it harder, considering he's my dom, and I can't say much when it comes to what I can and can't do. But he's not making it easy. Sometimes I want to break down but I can't. I love him very much, and he's not hurting me, but some days I just need him more than others. I miss seeing him when I want to. But it's getting harder everyday. I want to hold him close, and kiss him deeply, and other things too that I will not mention. You know I wish there was like a BDSM support group here. For people who need help with somethings through it.

Life has been hard for the past few months, since dad lost his job. Things that have been going on have been making me upset. It's so hard to deal. I have thought of so many different ways to end the suffering for me. But I just can't get myself to go do it. My ex thought I was cutting on myself again, but I'm not. I have to admit it's hard not to. I have wanted to so bad, but I keep trying to stop myself. I've told my mom and it just doesn't seem like she cares. Sometimes I wish I could crawl in a hole and die. Everything is supposed to be kind of happy right now, I'm getting ready to move to an amazing place, but I just seem to keep getting in deeper depression.

Life has been hard for the past few months, since dad lost his job. Things that have been going on have been making me upset. It's so hard to deal. I have thought of so many different ways to end the suffering for me. But I just can't get myself to go do it. My ex thought I was cutting on myself again, but I'm not. I have to admit it's hard not to. I have wanted to so bad, but I keep trying to stop myself. I've told my mom and it just doesn't seem like she cares. Sometimes I wish I could crawl in a hole and die. Everything is supposed to be kind of happy right now, I'm getting ready to move to an amazing place, but I just seem to keep getting in deeper depression.