hugless's Journal

Well, I have not written in my journal for a long time and since I'm going through some painful, stressful shit, I figured now would be a good time to write since I have no one else to talk to about this. It is about my 11 year old son Austin. I don't know what I am going to do anymore. He is totally out of control. He always had problems with hitting and picking on kids younger than himself including his little brother. Austin was always the biggest kid in his class...almost as tall as me now. He sees it as playing and wrestling but it has gone too far. He is very disrespectful to adults too. I received a call last night from his friends mother. Her son has been coming home with bruises all over his body when he plays with Austin. He also bit another friend Friday night and drew blood. The father wanted to call the police. Another mother called me last week saying he was beating up her son with another boy holding her son down while Austin hit him. All the mothers of my son's friends got together and decided they don't want their kids playing with mine. I don't blame them. I don't know what to do. I know my son plays rough and laughs and thinks it is funny but most of the time I don't think he means to really hurt any of his friends. I don't know....maybe he does. He is going to have no friends and this is going to kill him. He is very insecure and sensitive. He wants people to like him but he just doesn't know how to communicate right. He knows there is something different about him and that really bothers him. This is so painful to see my son going through this. I don't want him to lose his friends. That will make everything worse for him but I guess he is the one who caused it. I am so afraid of what he will become in a few years when he is a teenager. I know he needs help and I am looking at child psychologists in my area. That is also going to hurt him. He will know then that he needs help and all he wants to do is be normal. He is so jealous of his brother, my younger son. Evan is the opposite. He is nice, friendly, wouldn't hurt a fly and loves life. I know I tend to favor Evan but it is hard not to. He loves to cuddle and is like my baby still. He is only 8. Austin loves him but is very jealous of him. Evan is also very small. They are only 2 years apart but they look like they are 5 years apart because Austin is so big. Austin hurts Evan when they play. He tries to wrestle and ends up hurting him...maybe on purpose now that I think of it. I hate to think this of my son, but I have to see what is really going on. I cant make excuses any more for him. I cant hide the fact that he has a problem. I feel like I'm going into a depression now. I cant stop thinking of this. They are at my mom's this weekend and I am not looking forward to him coming home. I am going to have to tell him not to bother calling any of his friends now. No one is allowed to see him anymore......that hurts the worst....