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chriscoxrox 
11:18am, October 16, 2009
Where does time go? I have missed so many things in the last few years. I have been thinking a lot in the last few weeks. My MS diagnosis anniversary is comming up. March 15th, 2006 was the official day it was written down in a file. Maybe that is turning the wheels along with not feeling good. I'm tired of making decisions and letting people down. It is so hard to plan on attending shows or benefits when I'm like this. I hate it. I have decided the stress is to much. I want so badly to help spread awareness doing the things a love along the way. It has become overwhelmimg. I will not be making any more appearances for a while. The travel has become to hard on me. MS originally stopped me from playing in my band. When I was able to play again I did a solo thing and the pressure was less. I wrote my book and was excited about the way things were going. I am in the middle of recording my 2nd solo cd and I'm getting offers to play shows and sign books and it's awesome. The traveling is killing me. I have to stop for a while. I have a couple left this month in Paris Tx and Waco TX. but I don't think I can do them.
My shakey hands and legs are getting worse and it's hard to make some people see that. I hate to let people down and say no to anyone. Especially when they take a interest and notice what I am trying to do. I feel like a failure. Why can't I play even half of the shows that I used to? I am going to rest, finish my 2nd and final cd and let it all go. Put it in a bubble and let it float away. I can't keep going on the way I am. I have fought and struggled to do these things. Some others with ms have laughed at me and ridiculed me for the things I do. I never would have thought someone else with ms would try to slap down a fellow ms'er for trying to do something when so many give up, give in and become bitter. I guess some don't want to see any success come from ms. Only pain. I am deeply sorry for those that feel like that. I have been asked also from other boards and sites not to promote my book or music on certain pages. I understand and apollogize for making that mistake. I can't fight to get my songs or story out there with my own support groups. I am one man. I don't have anyone else going to bat for me selling this stuff. If I don't promote and have great friends that do the same, then it dies there. I will never make a fortune doing this. That was never the plan. I knew it would be tough getting anything out there. I just never thought opposition woould come from some of the places it has. I have made some great friends on this site especially. I love you guys and I am not turning my back on anyone or ignoreing anyone. I'm just tired. I have had a rough couple of weeks and now I'm venting.
Thanks for listening.
HUGS<
CC
Comments
Some people will never change. It is up to us on how we deal with that. As far as I'm concerned you never offended me in any way. I think you are awesome in everything you are trying to do. Sometimes it does come back and kick us in the ass. We just have to try to keep moving forward.
MS is a horrible disease and it takes so much from us that it makes me very angry at times. I so wish I could do half the things I used to but over the years I have come to realize that some things are just not possible.
You have to take care of yourself and remember what truly matters.
You have done sooooo much in the short time that I've known you. Your body is telling you to slow down, I know your mind does not want to listen but really it has no choice. We can only do what we can do.
Don't throw in the towel there is still so much you can do. Focus on that.
Those that matter don't mind, those that mind don't matter.
love and hugs,
Sharon
mooseyinn
Hi Chris,
I understand how you feel. It's a shame that other's out there have to be so discouraging. I've learned that even fellow MS'rs out there can be jerks. Not all of them, but some yes. I was dx in July of 2006, I know that rollercoaster ride.
You remain on my website. I don't know how many people visit it but, you shall remain!
I agree with Sharon. Don't throw in the towel. Right now you're going through a rough time, but it won't always be that way. Things change in time. Don't let others' bring you down. You have a talent, and you're good, very good. Just give it time.
Hugs,
Kathie
jewell2
Hang In There! You have already accomplished so much. Be kind to yourself, I sure understand where your thoughts and emotions lie. You are an artist, with a talent, a great guy who is under appreciated. You have been very busy, time for a break & rest, but never say never. Ok New MS Law, Never say Never! Your Fan, Dazy XO
DazyDuke
Sorry you are feeling down. I always say that in the midst of a depressive episode, you should never make big decisions. Wait until you know you are thinking straight (no "stinkin thinkin"!) to make any big choices. If you really can not do the next show, okay. Then see how you feel for the one after that. One day at a time. Sorry I am a wealth of cliches today!
hugs
momtotwo
hon...you can vent here all you want..smile....but give up???..hell no...smile...dont ever give up...the ones who are putting you down for what you are doing....they are scared...weak..shallow....they are not the type you want in your life hon...unfortuantly we will run accross them in our lifetime...so be it..dont sterotype them into what the norm will be hon...that is not so...give them hell and carry on...one person can make a difference hon...we have seen it in our time...
i remember talking to the person who is the interm vice chair here for the ms society...sigh...she was so pleased to tell me that the ms society was being moved..i asked her way...her response was that it was to visable....she did not feel comforatable going into the office and having people see her...????
i knew right away i would not like her..smile..
you are a voice for MS...be a strong voice ..when you are able..dont push yourself when your not...but if you enjoy this..then do it...dont let anyone else limit you hon..
luv
heather
heather1
Thank you guys!! I didn't intend to give up, just take some me time. And yes the pitty party crept up on me again. I hate these up and down battles we all feel. I just need to reorginize my priority list.
You guys are my sun through the rain. I just might have to trade playing live for something else. THANK YOU ALL
HUGS
CC
chriscoxrox
Chris, hang in there. My brother has been playing and singing and composing for many years. He has MS and is wheelchair-bound. Isn't really up to traveling, either. Sometimes he gets together with friends and they play a local venues. You are not alone.
lobeliapeppergrass
hi chris, i know its hard hang tight,ok,u will be ok!
rockbabe
Yes...hang in there. Eventually things
do work out for good people.
ThatMSgirl
I'm behind & just caught this journal entry ~ wanted to say what you know ~ that we understand better than any that some days are better than others ~ wishing you good days & hopes that you find your stride to do all that you want to do :)
JaniceKay