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chriscoxrox 
11:18am, October 16, 2009
Today is one of those days that I try to be better. I’m tired of letting people get to me. Make me angry or disappointed. I have been trying to let all of that go. It’s hard to do for me but still I try. I have been trying to work on my new cd when I have time. The mood has to be right for me and lately a few things have brought on negative vibes or just the wrong vibes. I also told a band that I am friends with that I would do their vocals in the studio for their upcoming cd. 2 big undertakings, I know. I have the freedom on mine to take my time and record when I feel right. So far the guys from the band that I will record with have been very cool about not demanding anything of me. They understand about my ms. The people at my work, ( that’s right I have to work full time to support my family, I can’t play like I used to, The schedule is to much for me) don’t really give 2 shits about anything. I try to let that roll off of me the best I can. I can’t take the stress from work home ever again. I will quit before that happens. No job is worth more than your health. I see everyday how hard it is to build this empire that I dream of. I wrote a book and hooked up with a publisher and try to keep the ball rolling forward on that too. I am my only promotion machine. I send out e-mails, phone calls, anything I can to get my name out there. I want to leave my mark somewhere. Not just the guy at work with ms. someone that has ms and still fought for his dreams. Some days I wonder if it’s all worth it. I want to say screw it, why bother. The first cd didn’t sell very well, who know if anyone will buy the book. It wasn’t really about the money anyway. But does anyone really care? Will any of this touch anyone? Have I wasted much of my time? Is anyone even reading this? I would like to say I don’t care but I do. I am grateful for the friends that I have met through DS. All of you understand what it is to have ms. It drives me to keep doing what I do. Today I’m freaking tired. Today I need to know if anyone is listening. Today is the last day I will let myself feel this way. Tomorrow this way comes.
Comments
I'm listening to you. It does get hard at times and we all want to throw in the towel at times. This feeling will pass as I'm sure you know. We can only do as much as we can do.
You are lucky to have understanding band members. Keep following your dream you might just have to take some extra steps but you'll get there if your heart's into it and I do believe yours is or you wouldn't be writing about it.
You are very talented and I can't wait to read your book.
"Tomorrow this way comes" call me dumb, but I'm not sure exactly what you are saying by that, duh.
mooseyinn
We are all in this together, I would say that this is the ONE place where most everyone understands. I have been meaning to ask what the book is about?
TexasMS
I'm listening too, give it a chance Chris you've got some irons in the fire you're probably tired and tomorrow is another day.
Good question Sharon, correct me if I'm Wrong but is that a lyric from a song.
DazyDuke
Hang in there Chris, we were chosen for a reason. Just months ago, I had no idea I was headed down this road. Now when I wake up eveyday, and have to push myself out of bed. I just keep telling myself that I am the person that has to do this. I was chosen to live withn MS. Maybe to one day help someone else understand that it is not the end of the world, just a new way of looking at life. Maybe that is what you were put on this planet to do too. All of your experiences could help someone else out. The book sounds like a GREAT idea!!!
ClaudB
If the effort is worth it to you and your family, then it's worth it to the world. One person is all it takes to inspire another, then they do the same for someone else and the inspiration train keeps on chugg'in along .... hey... "Inspiration Train" that could be a song. I want naming credits! lol.
TWCgirl
people are reading this hon...smile...and everone you meet ..everyone you help to understand ms...everyone you touch with your story and your struggle ....you leave your mark on for future understanding so for the next generation of ms'ers it is not so hard as it is sometimes for us this time around hon....yes it is worth it...and if most of us dont leave our mark in the world in a big way...we will each leave our mark in a small signaficiant way...we will have made someone understand..this journey we are on...
luv
heather
heather1
Hi, I have read your journal also. Everyone has there "mountain to climb" , just remember it's not about the climb, it's about the journey. Hang in there Chris, you have more "fans" than you think.
Take care....
Kimberly4
I love you guys, and just found out where to read the journal comments. I have just been putting them up here and so on. You all are awesome!
CC
chriscoxrox
I hear you Chris. I understand. There are so many frustrations that we have to go through and through those frustrations of mine are similar to the ones you have.
Some days I dont want to turn on my computer or do a flippin thing. Sometimes I feel like no one really cares, or understands me.
Is this MS or what? I don't know. But don't give up. I think it's important for us to have goals, it keeps us busy in our minds and hands too (if that makes any sense).
Well, i've gone on here long enough. I may plink away at this piano keyboard here and see if I can make it do anything. I can't read music............so seriously........it's plink, plink, plink. Hugs to you my friend.
Jewell2u