freedomcanhappen's Journal

I din't mention the sport.  yes, it was gymnastics.

I was a high level junior elite gymnast by the time I was 10 years old.

I dedicated my life to the sport and felt very betraryed for a very long time.

I still hold a special place in my heart for the sport.  I love it dearly.  I will always love it dearly.

I just don't agree with the old standards that some are trying to change.

I was an expected olympic hopeful.  but by the time I got there. my career was over.  and so the olympics never came true for me.  and for many years I coudn't watch the olympics because I would just sit and cry and cry and cry.  I sat glued to the tv at the 1984 olympics just picturing myself there some day.  The olympics was this huge deal of peace and the world comming together and etc and I would be able to be a  part of it someday.

Nadia, Olga, those were really my first two idols.  Nadia especdially because she was a lot like me.  She didn't smile a whole lot.  She was very very serious!  but obsessively partivular. 

I was very upset that years later in my adult life my parents said they purposely did not take me to houston to karoli's (Nadia's coach).  When I was 10 and was this junior elite.  my parents evidently knew then that where I was at was not going to be enough and they knew that Karolis was hwere I needed to be but they didn't want it.  It would have meant sending me there alone to board there and etc. and they had already said no when I had had the opportunity to go to Russia to spend some time there too. 

Anyway, I was abused and used and of course the weight ED thing and etc.  and my dissociation became a big problem and I actulaly forgot how to do gymnastics.  and that is when i left the sport. as a gymnast.

I dream all the time about gymnastics.  ALL THE TIME.  I miss it sometimes, I really do, despite all that occured.