freedomcanhappen's Journal

I haven't been on in awhile.  life has been life and getting rather hectic.

but

I wanted to take a little time right now to give an update.  I miss DS.  and you guys here are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

My life as an artist is coming to life more and more every day.  I have been a guest on two radio shows on Boise Community Radio talking about different aspects of my art and its purpose.  It was soo exciting and thrilling and just had a lot of fun!

Life as a mom is still very awesome.  Stressful!  difficult!  evidently being a step parent is one of the hardest things to do ever! from what I am told.  but I am up for it.  I love life and I am committed.

I had work accepted to the Viewing Program at the Drawing Center in New York.

I might pitch my own radio show to Boise Community Radio.  They are still looking for ideas and new hosts. 

the more I focus on what is going right and positive, I seem to gain energy to keep working at life. and keep it focused on health and happiness.

Is food and ED lurking around every corner?  You bet.  it will never go away.  Neither will alcoholism.

but

I work my program, and continue to make healthy choices even when it would be easier to make a yucky choice, and in the long run that effort is well worth it.

Somedays I just want to pull the covers over my head and give up and just not face the world or life.

But, I do it anyway,  I get up, I smile. I look in the mirror and say
"you are a miracle"  "What will you do today to make yourself feel proud"

and I just put one foot infront of the other, and it is getting easier.

it really is.  It was kind of a bitch at first.

it is hard.  Dont get me wrong.  life is not easy.

All I am saying is the extra effort it takes me, physically and mentally and emotionally and spirtually to make the healthy choice whatever it may be, is just well worth it.

Life is getting easier to manage. 

Food for instance.

do I look in the mirror sometimes and want to see only ungliness?  Yes.

But

I instead say "you are beautiful"

Do I want to skip meals or binge or other nasty behaviors?  Sometimes.  it is familiar so of course it would be very easy to go back too.  However.  I am finding that the more I choose otherwise.  The more eating healthy meals.  taking the time to cook them or plan ahead a little so when I am away, I have what I need.  being active in moderation. etc.  The more I keep choosing these things on a daily basis!  and it is daily. because I can't think any further ahead without losing my mind.

anyway. the easier it gets to do it.  Because these types of choices are now become familiar to me, therefore feeling more natural to choose them and follow through.

I guess it is possible to teach an old dog new tricks so to speak.

I keep loving life more and more committed.

Even when things are hard and I am sad or down or frustrated or angry, I am beginning to be more familiar with healthy coping.

Again, this isn't easy an yes I hav edays I want to just GIVE UP!  But the more I don't, the more I become familiar with healthy choices and i choose them more.

So,

Please, don't give up anybody!!!!!  If I can do this, YOU can too!

This has been years in the making!!!  I have been in official treatment since I was 21 there abouts, I am now 36.  and made it!!!

Please.  Whatever it takes, how ever long it takes.  Please just DONT GIVE UP EVER!!!

LIFE IS POSSIBLE MORE THAN MERE EXISTENCE BREATHING

God bless ande take care