freedomcanhappen's Journal

I am angry and you know what.  ITS OKAY.

my family did horrible things to me.  and I am angry.  and I m hurt and yet I get to be the one who feels guilty that they did bad things.  ummmmm NO.

I self destruct out of the guilt and shame over what they did.

I don't really like them that much but I have this job of keeping to try and make them out to be something they are not.  what so people will like them.  That is not my job.

no more.

I realize that I succeed best when I have less contact with my family.

They trigger me and I self destruct.

I choose health and that means setting limmits and that means I don't feel guilty.

Another thing.  I am giving up perfection for lent. 

I have this notion I have to be perfect or disappear.  So for lent I am giving up the idea of perfection.  and see how it goes.

Another thing is I wnat to change all my negative behaviors now  and that is not possible.

my therapist got me to pick one behavior. just one.  and do whatever it takes to do it.

As a kid I did not learn the habit of brushing my teeth or taking reg showers  and such.

 What I developed were my weird unusual behaviors.  ie.  I made the habit of not brushing my teeth so I would feel like I had just eaten and so not eat or brush my teeth so i would not eat because I had just brushed my teeth.  Since I was 10 I did this.  I have tried and tried to change but can't.  So I end up brushing my teeth at very weird times and wrong times and unhealthy.  So

I am making a note for my mirror in my bathroom to tell me when to brush my teeth.  and follow it. 

argh.  I have a right to be angry but I have a right to do healthy things with my anger too.