chichiguita's Journal

I have been thinking about the process of letting go. 

This morning Katherine and I were talking about how God has been using seed that was sown years ago through prayer. 

The past two years have been so dry and weary for my spirit.  I have been a bit of a lost child.  The soil of my life has been dry and sallow.  

 Years ago, I was very active in a church called Crystal Valley Missionary Church.  I helped get it started.  It was a seed God planted deep in my soul.  It was a church born in prayer.  We would walk the streets of Middlebury in groups of twos and threes and intercede for the families in the community.  Anyone who saw us would assume we were getting our exercise--but we were bringing them before the throne.  I know every neighborhood in our small town because God broke my heart for each one.   

The hurricane that has been my life for the last three years makes those early days of ministry seem like a distant memory.  It was another woman's life.   Still, Katherine was telling me today about the prayer class she is leading and how a girl asked her if they could prayer walk through her neighborhood.  She told me that the seeds that were planted so long ago are still showing sprouts.  She told me she could see my fingerprints on the blooms.  My eyes brimmed with tears and I looked away.   

"The thing about sowing seeds is that you have to let them go.”  I told her. 

You have to release the "seed of your future and hope" into the darkness of the unknown where you have no control.  It is an act of willful faith, and it is sometimes painful.   Back when I was sowing Crystal Valley seed--it didn't seem painful.  Frightening at times--yes.  I was so full of hope then.   

Today, I hold the seeds of sorrow. 

I hear the savior gently whispering "let them go and watch". 

"Kay", I whisper, "and let my tears begin to soften the hard, dry soil."   

I don't know what will come of it--but I am beginning to feel the quiet shudders of new life in all this darkness—

 --and I am slowly, gratefully beginning to let go.  

 "Weeping may endure through the night--but joy comes in the morning."  Psalm 30:5 

"They that sow in tears shall reap with songs of joy.”Psalm 126:5