chichiguita's Journal

I'm in the mode of "telling people". 

Oh how I hate this. 

So many people respond with surprise and shock. 

"But you were so in love with each other."

"But you were perfect for each other."

"But I always envied your relationship."

What the crap am I supposed to say to that???

I WANT to say "TELL STBX THAT"!!!

alas.

I say, "I know, I'm sorry". 

I hate this. 

I will do it down here for two more weeks--and then I will move back north and say it to people who will no doubt be even more difficult. 

Thing is--I can't help it.

I don't have a choice. 

I about fell apart tonight when stbx was telliong me about what he wanted to look like on the weekends...why couldn't you do those things for me? 

because you didn't want me. 

excruciating. 

devastating.

On the way home there was a song about "having someone to love and dream with and hold through the night."   So I sat in the car and cried before I even got to the house. 

It sucks. 

I am so sad. 

I have been abandoned.  I feel worthless.