chichiguita's Journal

I continue to wake up in a panic about this and that only to remember that I have lost the love of my life.  It is then that I settle in to the hurt and loss. Stbx left this morning for a trip to CA.  I am surprised he went knowing we will be gone at the end of the month and he won't see son till November...but I don't know how he could have changed it. 

I wish he would have been willing to try.  I wish and wonder until I am weary.  I need that energy now for myself and for my son.

I need that energy right now to give to my son and love him through this.

I need that energy to find a job that will support us. 

I need that energy to face the folks back home.

I need that energy to get my physical body back in shape. 

I need that energy to face winter.

I need that energy. 

So I surrender to the loss and feel its cut.  I stop throwing myself up against a door that has been closed to me.  It will never be open again.  I must find the next path. 

It is lonely, but my friends encircle me. 

 It is frightening, but I have found a way to take some steps into the dark.

It is wearisom--but I am gaining strength.

It is sad--but the tears cleanse the wound. 

We will make it.