chichiguita's Journal

STBX and I are still in the same apartment with our son--who has yet to find out.  I needed time to sort through my own trauma before springing it on him.  We have been doing all the "normal" family things.  It has actually been fun at times. 

Weekend mornings are lazy with all of us sharing the same couch, son between us, entangled in blankets and pillows.  It is nice.  It will be over soon. 

I am just about complete in the descision that son and I will move back to Indiana and live in the basement of a friends for a few months while I try to find a job and get my legs under me. 

Our best friends are there.  The place we will be living is on beautiful land that has been a retreat for me in the past.  It will be a good place to heal. 

STBX's mother lives in that town.  It broke her heart to see us move away.  She will be a great support to son and me too.  His family had been planning a Thanksgiving trip down to MS--so that will likely be the next time son gets to see his father.  Then STBX will come up for the holidays. 

Right now we are tentatively planning to spend Christmas eve and morning together as we have for the past 19 years.  We have even talked about spending the holiday together at Disney--sort of trying to "continue making memories as a family one way or another". 

I find myself "marking the moments" as they pass.  I hear myself thinking "we only have three more lazy Saturday mornings together."  and "this may be the last movie we all go see together". 

It really hurts.