chichiguita's Journal

I just joined the forum.  

My husband of 19 years had an affair about a year and a half ago and separated from us.  During that time his new business tanked wracking up amazing debt and leaving us with 14 foreclosed houses (including the family home).  

He had a change of heart and asked to come back.  I agreed and we counseled for a few months while he tried to find employment.  He wasn’t able to find anything in our area.  Then he received an offer to move across the country.  We agonized about it, but decided it was our best chance.  

The move has been VERY difficult on our 12 year old who left everyone he knew and loved behind.  In the year we have been here, he has not made one friend that he has invited home, nor has he been invited anywhere.  When we were up north he was with friends almost every weekend.  

Shortly after we arrived my STBX began to shut down emotionally.  

About a month ago, he told me he wanted a divorce.  We went to counseling again, and the counselors kept pushing him to say he was committed to making the marriage work.  He would not.  

My son went up north for a month with friends and family.  During that time, My STBX and I experienced a resurgence of affection.  We made some very happy memories together and began to read a marriage book together.  

A week after our son returned (last Thursday) STBX told me he is sure now that he wants a divorce.  

I am devastated.  

I don’t know how to navigate all that is ahead of me.  I not functioning at work at all right now.  

I think the best thing for my son and I is to move back home.  It breaks my heart to separate my son from his father (whom he idolizes)—but he also needs a strong peer group and more family and support to help him through this.   I am terrified because I have a decent job here, and the job market is terrible.  

There are a million questions.

One minute I am certain I need to go through with the “quick do it yourself” divorce ex is proposing, cut my losses and get the heck out of dodge…the next I think I should try to make it work here so my son can be near his dad.  

I don’t know if I can find a decent place I can afford in his school system.  

How in the world do I begin to navigate all this along with this horrible grief?  

How do I discern what is best for my son and I in terms of where we will live?
Should I get a lawyer, or just hope for the best with a “do it yourself” quickie divorce?

How can he stand to do this to his son—much less me?



I ruminate on these questions all day long until I think I will lose my mind.  Sleep is the only relief right now—but even that is less that peaceful and a kick in the gut waits for me each morning.