Scared
May 28, 2009 1:34pm
I dont normally write journal entries, no specific reason why, but today is going to be possibly a really bad day, and Im already getting nervous …
Louwees 
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About Me
Louwees
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About Me
I try to believe that if I do good things, they will be paid back, but that doesn't seem to happen. I do voluntary work whenever I have the time. I have no specific passions. My past and the abuse I suffered takes over my life and I struggle everyday to deal with it. I have no friends or people I can connect with, because of a lack of trust and fear. I want to get better, I just don't know how. I self harm when things get too hard and I can't deal with them.
I try to believe that if I do good things, they will be paid back, but that doesn't seem to happen. I do voluntary work whenever I have the time. I have no specific passions. My past and the abuse I suffered takes over my life and I struggle everyday to deal with it. I have no friends or people I can connect with, because of a lack of trust and fear. I want to get better, I just don't know how. I self harm when things get too hard and I can't deal with them.
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Journal
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Too late
February 6, 2009 12:12am
Thank you to those who took the time to advise me on the situation with my stepdad. I took it all on board and decided it was best for me not …
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Dont ask why
January 7, 2009 1:27am
Dont ask me why, but Im giving this one last chance, I look back at my journal entries and as I said before, they were only answered by the four …
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I finally get it
January 7, 2009 1:00am
I really do finally get it, Im not important and that is okay, I have to accept that. I know from watching daily digest and looking at other …
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Please help
January 6, 2009 11:58pm
Im feeling very alone and dont have anyone I can talk to. I have the most very special friend on DS who wants to give up, I dont want …
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Hugbook
Flower
thinking of you
Miss You
hi how are you,i am sending you huge hugs and loads of special love, thinking of you, i will send a message soon, bye for now.
Hug
This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'
The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...'I think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be fucked!! A talking pig!'
The teacher had to leave the room-
Little Love
hi it is good to know we have friends isn't it, and you also have been a great friend to me,giving me support and a listining ear,i couldn't have got this far either without you,thanks for being special, love and huge hugs, bye for now.
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Moment of Peace
hi just stopping by to say it is good that you are feeling a bit better at the moment, hope it lasts a long time for you, you deserve it, sending special huge hugs and lots af special love,special thoughts to you.
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Photos
Louwees hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
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Support Groups
Close Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Im new to this so don't know what to say. Im seeing a counsellor, 2 yrs now, and she's been great, but Im scared to talk about the real problems. She knows I've been abused but I haven't talked about the details. How specific do you get. I've had a problem sometimes with her when we're talking about things and I seem to shut down and not be there, she has had to physically touch me to bring me back, she calls it disassociation. I feel stupid for not being able to talk, I do trust her.
Treatments
- Effexor Working / Worked
- I didn't think it was until I tried to stop it, and things definitely got worse, have started it again. No side effects
- Rape Counseling Working / Worked
- It helps but Im scared to say too much, not ready for the specifics.
- Seroquel Working / Worked
- Using it as a sleeping pill, gives some help alongside Zopliclone.
Close Self-Injury
I grew up with sexual and physical abuse, that was 20 years ago, I'm still not over it and am now in counselling, when I can't cope with nightmares and memories I cut or burn, it's not to get attention as I always hide it but it in some weird way gives me relief. I'm finding talking about specifics with my counsellor very hard but I am trying. I have shut myself off from the world because I don't trust anyone. Mental health services don't want to know about me and judge me wrongly.
Treatments
- Group Therapy Working / Worked
- Didn't work, I don't deal well with groups of people
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Am still trying
- Rubber Bands Working / Worked
- Didn't hurt enough to make difference
- Talking Working / Worked
- Am seeing counsellor, have just recently joined Daily Strength and have found some amazing support
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionDecember is a bad month full of anniversies of bad things. I cut and burn to cope but want something different, just not sure what that is
Treatments
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Not Working
- Cant deal with groups of people
- Effexor Working / Worked
- Was working but thought I didnt need it so stopped, have just started taking it again
- Seroquel Working / Worked
- Take only as sleep aid which works
- Support from Friends & Family Not Working
- Would be great if they cared, have accepted Im on my own
- Writing Working / Worked
- Not good at keeping journal, write impulisevly but it seems to help
