Journal

omg! can you say stressed! i live with two people who are very mentally unstable as well as myself.. myself is medicated.. they are not.. they drink every night.. the main support condicts self destructive behavior. like will drink way too much the night before she know she has work in the morning and wont make it.. so she lost her big paying job.. i do not not how much more i can take, i am in the middle of applying for ssi and dissability my therapist says i have a strong case, since i kept all my paper work from hospital visits to presciptions. so i am hopeful... i just want to be on my own. i cant deal with others drama anymore.. i am sorry to say but it is the truth!

   I feel like, if i am so intelligent, why can't I control these anxiety attacks and why am I in so much pain.. why won't the doctor give me the medicine i need so that I am not feeling like this.. I am 25 smart as hell and I have no job and I am not in school and I feel like I am 50 instead of 25......

I am constanty irritable, in pain and in need of support... I am taking it out on my loved ones and I don't mean it... I don't have the right meds to give me the correct balance that I need and my doctors won't give them to me until I see the specialist.. Yesterday I had a panic/asthma attack at the doctors... Crazy right.. I just feel like I am losing it.. I am so much pain from my TMJ and my stomach..