AOR's Journal

Nov 18 2008

I feel lost and care less

no one needs to care about me

Death is sweetly calling my name as if he longs for my body

I listen to his call

no one tells me I shouldn’t go to him

I sit in my room crying for not knowing

abusing myself for my lack of knowledge

my mind is longing for this sharp lust that I long to hold yet I know I cant

I try to fight the pain that rushes through me

I can not

it consumes me and I go to it

sitting even closer to death than I was

he seduces me to his lair

to the river that is filled with souls trapped in hell

they scream my name as if I was a goddess they were longing for

or a life that was willing to go to his call

pain has led me here, I thought silently

as we arrived to his castle made of bones and the smell of death

he sat on his throne

waiting , waiting

for something

I look at him as he did me

he spoke for the first time,

"will you be my queen of the dead for I know you longed for it so ?"

I said nothing

I felt my sprit rise and leave quickly form his castle

I saw the sun which was now dark

I saw the birds which now look like flying bones

I saw peoples sprits that longed for death

I was alive or was I

I could see and feel and breath

but I wasn’t able to be happy or live in joy or love

so why live ?

I was nothing that I was before I was of death and life

as I am today

cursed between two worlds