Join Now
arienette 
6:38am, January 17, 2009
and so I do the things I do for pain. I guess I don't have the guts to cut myself or hurt myself any other DIRECT way these days. So I allow myself to "hookup" with guys that I know are using me. No matter what they say. Even, like last night, when i try to stop it from going too far. I give in. I know theyre using me. I know its A L W A Y S the same fucking story. I know 90% of them are in love with my playboy model-esque roommate.
I think thats why i let myself fall for them. Because I know, like all the guys in my past, they will never care about my existence beyond a night or two. It doesnt matter if theyre the best looking, nicest, funniest guy in the room or the opposite. If theyll take me, i'll probably let them. I know how it will end up. I tell my friends who try to say thats not true. I'm not un-like-able. But theyre always wrong, and I am always right when it comes to this shit.
Or maybe its just my attitude? Sure. But...no...I've tried being positive. Never works.
Living with a roommate that is a girl men pay money to see naked is a punishment i inflcited upson myself. Sure, I am friends with. Sure, maybe I love her for some reasons. But I knew when we moved in together I'd embark on the lonliest year of my life. I knew it and I wanted it. I want to feel this pain, emotionally, mentally.
