Journal

OK-it has been quite a while since I wrote in this journal-I really need to do it more often. I am just feeling so frustrated. It seems like nothing I do helps my situation. I have been out of work since May, 2008. Many resumes have been sent, but no job offers. I am told I am overqualified, and I wouldn't doubt that my age (60) doesn't help either.  I have lupus, breast cancer (in remission), fibromyalgia, DDD, and in this past May, I fell and sustained brain damage.  If I could, I'd apply for disability, but there is no way I could live on it. I wasn't able to pay all my house taxes this year, so I just got a notice that as of Sept. 1, my house will be auctioned off for my taxes.  All I need is a job, cause then I could take out a home equity line of credit and use it to pay the taxes. But apparently they don't want to wait for that. I live by myself, and have really tried to everything right. But once I lost my job, everything went downhill from there. I feel like such a loser-before I lost my job, I was really feeling proud of myself-doing well in my job, being able to put up with all my illnesses, and able to survive. But now I just don't know what I am suppposed  to do. I don't have any family nearby-my son lives in Spain, and my daughter is away at graduate school. So it's only me and my dog Maia.  I'm thinking of giving piano lessons, but it wouldn't allow me to be able to take out another loan to save my house.  Yesterday, I spoke to the office of our state legislature, and maybe he'll be able to help. I sure hope so. I was turned down by social services for any help a few months ago.  I'm going to spend another day there later in this week to re apply again-maybe I'll find someone more sympathetic.  I'm trying to keep positive that something will work out. I just would like to enjoy my life again, and not worry about what is going to happen bad to me next.  I've left it up to God-hopefully he'll hear my prayers and help me to survive.

Hi everyone-its been a while since I updated my journal. I just wish that I could have more good stuff to write about. Not yet, I guess. I still don't have a job-its been over a year now, and I've lost almost everything. I don't know what I am going to do. Then 3 weeks ago, my sister died unexpectedly from cancer, and within the past 2 weeks, I lost 2 other friends from cancer. We met when we were all diagnosed with breast cancer. It is so scary because after so many years, the cancer is coming back and killing my friends. I sure don't want it to activitate in me-Im not cured, but am in remission, and I want to keep it that way.  Then 2 weeks ago, I fell, hitting my head on a cememt floor, and have some brain problems. Bad headaches, I'm unbalanced, and reading is starting to bother me.  I just want something good to happen, you know?  One good thing that DID happen was my daughter graduated college and will be starting on her Masters in Sept. I'm so proud of her.  I try to keep positive, but like I said, it is like a cloud is just following me around.Sorry this is such a down note, but appreciate being able to vent here-I live alone, except when my daughter is home (my son lives in Spain), and really don't want to drag anyone else with my problems. Thanks for listening.