Abotsd's Journal

couldn't cut it today. really did do too much yesterday. daughter warned me. so today did just a little. rain coming. body complaining. went to shul. zippered skirt. didn't fit right in my clothes. losing weight very slowly. put it on the same way. impatient with fibro. still sore from pilates. worked hard yesterday. told friend who is ill i would visit tomorrow. but now i don't know if i'll be able to. it's a hard illness because without energy we don't make or keep friends. i like this new lady a whole lot and admire her too. so i'd like to make a friendship but if i don't feel well tomorrow, i'll call and cancell. it's hard for people to understand. cancelled hair dresser once last week. he was awful good about it. said he could always just fit me in. not to worry. i was brought up to be very responsible and keep appointments and  be puntual. with this fibro it's just too hard to make plans. you don't know hour to hour what you can tolerate.  therapist is not seeing me often enough. she's just very busy and i'm not in crisis anymore. thank G-d. still, could use the support.

new cpap mask keeps falling apart. don't know why it's so complicated. can't use oxygen test machine on left hand either. use my left to turn off cpap and light. can't reach with right. so back to right hand again and it's just difficult. simple things should be simpler. so i'm just complaining because i couldn't do as i wished today. big deal. same every day. just wish i could reach into my closet and take out the body of my choosing. one for surfing. one for sky diving. one for dancing. one for running. do it all and have the most fun. not goin to happen. got this one. and grateful for it. it keeps me alive. gave me children and pleasure. so got to be grateful. even though frustrating.

friend doris came to shul. her neck is all crooked now and doesn't have a brace. i winced when she sat down hard. scary injury, broke bone in neck. out of cast but still spoooky looking. weak. scary. husband is so easy going. doesn't seem to have nerves. well seeing isn't always believing. got caught up with neighbor, lulu. she looked gorgeous. interesting parsha. the binding of isaac. the end of human sacrafice. the beginning of another era in human interaction. at least among jews.

still thinking about islamic dr. at camp hood in texas. such a terrible occurance. a massacre. how did he get a gun licence if he'd been already tagged for hateful blogs? got to get guns out of the hands of just everyone. l3 dead. good people. helpers. workers, soldiers. too sad. the one police woman who brought him down. brave and competent. need more like her. and like the security officers on the college campus who brought down the pervert who had two girls with his captive, kidnapped, young woman. a disgrace. all those years stolen from her and her family. took women to be sensitive and competent enough to do something. to notice and report. need more of us. we're born noticing. we know when something has to be done. we're in charge of keeping people alive all our lives.

it's interesting that education has nothing to do with goodness. these two evil men. and the drs. in london who were planning to put bombs in planes. so what does education mean? doesn't seem to make people any better. you'd think it would. the guys from 9/ll also. weren'dt poor or deprived. educated men with money, family, status. and yes, fanatic murderers. somethings wrong when education doesn't make us more humane.

okay. grumpy day. will take some pain meds and try to find my distance glasses and watch some tv. eat a hard boiled egg and a glass of milk. my answer to a bad mood.