1/9/07, It is 2:23 a.m. meaning …
1/9/07, It is 2:23 a.m. meaning it is another sleepless night. I still have trouble believing that I developed …
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Abotsd 
1:32pm, October 3, 2009
saw two ladies commenting on my growing hips as i walked down to the front of the auditorium. daughter says i should stop and just tell them "i'm glad to be alive". good answer, no? so i felt a little better. hard to be judged harshly. but with this fibro i don't know if i'm coming or going lately. too hot and too cold. aching in new places. hurting in the back of my knees. now that's new. and getting headaches again. didn't have them for a long time. loved not having them. getting wrinkled. aging and hoping that this disease will have a treatment that works. that the drs. find out what is wrong. and if it's a retrovirus, they find the antivirus drugs cheap and easy. the xyrem i use for sleep, without my insurance plan B and medicare would cost over a thousand dollars a month. as it is i pay around $80. and fear for the hole when it comes.
still married to a man who loves me. that's an achievement after 44 years, and half of them sick. to me he's a hero for just sticking around. and i tell my kids the same thing. how hard it would be or would have been if he'd left me alone. you know the responsibility of taking care of a sick mother. i do. took care of my own for 10 years.they don't have to do that, thank G-d. cause daddy is in the house. they're all growing, traveling, working, having families. i'm very impressed with how brave they are. faith in the future and in G-d and themselves. good friends with good hearts.
having trouble remembering to put on my cpap mask again. this really impedes my recovery. can't breathe well enough without it. sleep apnea, hundreds of times a night. stupid not to remember. have new mask. much bigger because i breath through my mouth. new mask covers it and the nose.
want to travel. need to be better. stronger. brother would buy me a ticket he says. so, aught to start planning for this spring. and get to grandkids in whatever shape?
see, i can't go sick. and i get sick all the time. whatever is going around i catch it.
well where there's life there's hope. Rabbi said today, when you point your finger at someone else you've got three fingers pointing back at you. try it. it's true.
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your right your alive!! focus on that. try being positive, for me its the other way I'm now too thin and have lost so much weight the drs are on my case I have so many food allerys and things I cant eat, my stomach also cant hold much food and my digestive system rejects food on some days. But I am happy that I am alive and better that a lot of other people. I have a grateful diary and rather than worry about what is bad and the pain I look at what is good, and I write it all down, it works and makes me happy, give it a try.....
anneloub
forget them bitches that talk about your weight! They must be awfully miserable and have no life of their own to be dwelling on how u look. Keep hangin in there, I'm proud of u! Big hugs! Rachel
Rac87el
when your on your deathbed will you cry"i wasn't thin enough" or "i didn't spend enough time with my family".Really whats important?There is way too much emphasis on looks these days and not enough on the values that really count!!You go girl!!
mjadaa
You're right. You've got it pretty good. You deserve it.
unduki