Abotsd's Journal

back to gym today. little work out. weights. tredmill. bike. thighs, leg press, arms. aerobics for ten. son visiting. lots of news from european trip. glad to see him strong and well! i'd hate to be this age without kids.  a little sunshine in my later years. never thought about becoming old. still getting used to it. it's funny to feel flirty and forget your a grandmother now. a little late to change my tune?  lovely kids. i know they're hard to raise and very expensive, they eat your life and your soul, but what would life hold for me without them. i'm very grateful to have had the fertility to conceive. worry for daughter not yet married and 38.

husband getting out more. convalescing. still won't use ac. too hot in house for me. lucky to have him. i know i'm critical but to have someone love you for 44 years is not so easy. and to accept me in all my oddnesses.  i liked it that he came from another culture. could blame differences on that. not personal. such different upbringings. i remember him asking me when the kids were little; is it necessary for them to have dance lessons, piano, swimming lessons, and all the extra stuff middle class kids take for granted. he really had an impoverished childhood. just realized how much when he told me he had never gone to the circus as a kid. i was watching the old movie, BigTop.Greatest show on earth. couldn't believe he'd never gone. we took all our kids. loved it. theatre, too. always. concerts, museums, libraries, all the acculuration that we considered normal for an American kid. the way i grew up. horse riding classes, too. the world was presented to us as a remarkable place full of wonderful things to learn and see. i couldn't wait to get started. felt i should have some way to contribute to all the good things i was enjoying. now; daughter in theatre, son in music, other son in relgion, a lot of contributions, makes me happy.  and beautiful daughter at home, working hard and oh so loving. wish she knew her own worth!

still too hot here. 80 degrees for sure. waiting for night to fall. i remember when nights were really black. and full of stars and lightening bugs. no more. neighbor's security lights can be seen from my bed. ugh.  now i know why people buy acres. i'm too insecure to live far away. five minutes to the hospital is my kind of location.  don't understand older people living far out. saw one magazine with great cover, son says to me; oh, his parents were hippies. how funny. so we certainly did have an effect on culture. through the next generation!

got to get well and go to israel. got to see grandkids before they're all grown up. they have my heart. a little money, a little luck, we'll get there.  not in summer. not in winter. no heat, no ac there. small apartments. want hotel. will check this out. funny that son met cousin there at aa meeting. didn't even need address. or phone number.

los angeles annoyed at paying extra for security for michael jac kson's funeral, no, memorial. isn't that what cities do?  that's exactly what we need government for. controlling crowds.

too hot to write more.

happy today.