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caretakerofthefallen 
4:50pm, November 16, 2009
i first lived in lakewood then youngstown when i was a baby appreantly my dad was very abusive to my mom then and we moved back to lakewood gods the memories so much pain in our appartment we argued alot my one sister and i my dad and i argued a little but i was blamed for many of the fights my mom and dad had i wasnt realy abused that bad but i guess i was young it was alot v.v i was a robot for alot of it i dont remeber any of it well not most of it we moved to elyria for 6-9 grade god it was horrible so much happened i fought with my dad alot i ...lets just say i abused my sisters as much as they abused me i was the oldest yet i was treated like i was like the youngest i had some friemds but i was very numb um sigh v.v we had many dogs and cats there was two well ask me if u want lets just put it that way anyways i was blamed for alot of my parents fighting we fought constantly god it hurt i had it bad i was going yes master no master gods it hurt oh well and i was into magic all my life i had visions since i was young i got hit by a car at age 8 ive been in a dead like state for most of my life since then not caring just going with thte flow until wesly got hurt at a friends house gods it hurt i woak up for a time then i had the foot surgry i know this is broad and i dont give a shit i said whet i could say w/o me bursting into tears i wont make anyone feel my pain that i dont want to so if u need to know more of my life just ask for i said this in the most broadest way for i dont want to talk about last year and this year it was horribble and crappy and i it makes me want to just die lets just put it that way message me if u want ot ask me anything sigh ty for eading and if u read pleae comment even if its just a hug ty and im srry that its so broad
Comments
Oh hun. That is awful that one should live in such a place. That is not a normal childhood and you have ever right to feel pain and hurt and saddness looking back on it. None of that should ever have to happen to somone so young.You should be able to tell as much of your story as you want without feeling guilty. This should be a safe place for you as well. You should be able to share so that you can release some of the pain inside you. Oh how I feel for you. Thanks for sharing although it was probably hard. I am here. HUGS!!!!!!!
staceyhtchns
that made me cry im so sorry hun thats horrible im allways here for u hun
**HUGS**
rockerforlife
ty*hugs back*
caretakerofthefallen
You know that it was NOT your fault that your parents fought, I hope!! Parents can do some nasty shit to their kids without a bit of conscience for it, like they OWN their children and they can do what they want with them. I see it all of the time and it really pisses me off. My dad used to beat me so bad that I would have to miss school. I always thought if I were a better kid, smarter, prettier, skinnier, (a mind reader??!!) that he would treat me better. I was used to things changing moment to moment and having to adapt to whatever was going on to try to protect myself. Gave me the idea that I wasn't worth a sh*t. Now I know that I could have been the most perfect freaking kid on the face of the earth, and he still would have beat the sh*t out of me, because I was not the problem, HE was. I had to learn that all that crap and abuse he heaped on my was never my fault. He just figured that he owned me and if he felt miserable that he could beat us kids to make himself feel better. It sounds like you had to deal with the same thing. It really was NOT your fault that life was miserable for you as you were growing up. What control did YOU have as a kid? Adults have all the control over children, and they should be protecting kids, not fighting with them and making them miserable! Peace to you today....I can relate and it is not good to feel so bad!
mtnmama62
Oh, sweetie... I'm glad you wrote that, and I'm sorry you went through it... it's only when we start talking that we start to heal... hugs to you, dear.
MontgomeryRats
*hugs* ty all of u and i suppose so mtnmama62 but i was alot more mature then most kids and i still am i grew up alot quickly then one would imagine and ok montgomeryRat *Hugs*
caretakerofthefallen