caretakerofthefallen's Journal

                                               Broken and confused

                                                By Andrew Zlenka     

  Firey anger and self mourning passes through my mind. The pain and the agony cripples my mind and destroys my body. My spirit fly's away and howls in pain and grief then glides back down to my body and the pain and agony is less. With my body  being chained and shackled with fear i use my mind or spirit if you will to defend the 'defenceless' person my love my anger to do nothing pushes my soul and mind to protect him oh the pain the agony i felt for doing nothing physicaly but so so much  mentaly that when my protection was not needed i gave up and fell down back to start over again. As a phoenix  burns and dies, i was renewed and remember things enough to start anew again. With  my weakened body and mind that person helped me get supported and keep going his name is Envy emu. My name is Auron Bright blade my family is a long line of magic users, both dark and light. I have known envy for so little of time that i bearly know much  about him. My pain and agony  almost drove me to suicde but i prevailed anger driving me almost more than love. I have studied both dark evil occult magic, but also good light holy magic. I love them both as good old friends always bickering at each other. And noone ever winning. In this time and age all is accepted but traditionalists always dissapporve of things not normal ,as couples are supposed to be a man and women  not man and man or women and women but most agree with it. The buildings were not very tall and most of them were very modest and made of wood and brick. Life for me has always been a problem having grown up too early does that to a person. Envy my love was abused or just hurt from an associte of his that i thought i knew. Envy is about 20 years old, and he has  short hair about a hazel color he is compasitonate when needed but he can also be fierce when it is needed but he holeds his violence too much and has gotten hurt. he never even feeling most of it, but i was tiard because of it. Wanting death to take the pain and sorrow but envy helped me through it and begain again. I am now close to envy  or as close as he wants to be hugging, kissing snuggling, touching but never more than that i long for his embrace now and mourn that i have sealed my fate falling again down to the pits ready to die and give up but of course i dont my life is his so i go on to protect his even family lower than he my lust for i fear he doth not feel the same so i help and support him as best  as i can wanting to hide but finally  i want to show my love anyway i can  but i wait to make sure it is true to me if noone else for the dagger pointing at me seems so sweet that i avoid all and go on building on waiting and getting guided while guiding when i can . but for this i wait an etirnity if i can once in a while loe his touch by me or even on me hoping to be accepted by him , i open my arms and wait for the path to come clear what shall happen to me and my lust for i know he doth not feel the same yet forever i sulk and wait but also hope for all etirinty just to feel his touch by me when i need him the most for lust is more then love its overwelming and strong and with this i have and will be mentaly wait with open arms wide but also i shall be broken and confused but yet i wait as best i can before turning to once again and mourn and go on.-end