caretakerofthefallen's Journal

                                               The Fallen protector                  

                                            By Andrew zlenka  

   Demons surround me thoughts of wanting to die, to hurt to injure overwhelm me. The demons laugh at me and mock me. I curl into a ball crying letting screams of rage out changing my mind it is twisted and morphed the pain has taken me over. I start to lash out at the demons they laugh as they move aside. As they do flashbacks overwhelm me and take me to my knees. 'YOUR WORTHLESS'' my father screams in my ears and I feel the abuse the mental and physical abuse replaying in my mind over and over again. I start to curl into a ball trying to calm down trying not to let the flashbacks win. I slowly uncurl and I tremble and get up I won’t let it win! I refuse to let it gods the pain. My stomach cramps up as the demons swell around me all I see is the familiar darkness I smile softly and I let my anger go it vanquishes the darkness ' I tis gray' I yell and all around me the grayness comes. My heart races on the pain and agony feeling it race as my heart feels the pierce of lover’s daggers into my heart. Oh the pain! I howl in pain and cry as I feel the words they had said ' All you hold is rage' then apologizing I’m sorry so sorry' I start to laugh and mutter, "All I hold is rage? HA!' I sit my feet down and let the demons take me over 'If you want to see my rage now you shall!' I go bezerk and lash out. I take the dagger and slash my wrists 3 times then my arms 3 times then my legs 3 times. Now I stab my throat and then my heart over and over switching what I stabe when I die I see death call for me and I see life call for me. I shake my head and stay in purgatory torched and in pain for all eternity not wanting to live but yet not wanting to die so I wait for the end of this world watching, waiting and also helping when I can and now I cry as I watch till the end of this damned world a guardian I am a damned fallen protector for I try to protect the fallen and those that need me and I try so hard to sooth their pain. Sometimes I do what I try to achieve, but also sometimes I fail on my own words gods it hurts but its life and death for purgatory is torture and torture is of my existence! -End 12/03/08 911am finished