brent72's Journal

Please don't call me. I probably won't be able to talk anyhow. I am not going to do anything stupid. I can't. Debbie needs the insurance. I am sorry you have to read all of this but someone needs to know. Just don't tell anyone. I am sorry I am putting such a big burden on you. If you tell anyone then the insurance will not pay. I am hurting Debbie every day. I can see it in her eyes. She is under soooooo much stress having to take care of me. She worries so about the finanaces. I took over paying all the bills thinking that would help. I don't know that it has. She may just feel like she has no control now. She has as much pressure and stress at work as I do, probably more butg she is handling it. If I make her crack we are really in trouble. Without this extra income we will be just barely getting by. No hope of ever catching up. It is all my fault too. I am the one that has caused all the bills. My dumn decisions. Please don't say anything to Debbie it will just cause her more stress and might be the little extra that pushes her over. I am going to start cleaning up things a little at a time so she doesn't worry about it. Again I am so sorry I am dumping all of this on you. You are very strong and have always been a rock and been there for me whenever I needed you. You are the best. Just please do this for me too. I do have an appointment with the shrink at the VA May first. Maybe she will be able to change my meds or somthing. I just need to be able to deal with stress. I can't. I will never be able to help Debbie without being able to deal with stress. I am afraid by quiting this last job that they will not hire me for another and there just isn't anything else out there that I might be able to do. This is my real disability. I think you are the only one that really knows this. Most people just think I am leaching off of the government and my wife. I guess I am really.

Again I am sorry to put all this on you. I just wanted someone to know what is really going on. I am sorry you have to keep it to yourself but if you don't Debbie will really be screwed withou the insurance money.

Please don't worry I will probably be ok. I always have been. This will most likely pass like all the other times. I am not going to punch my own ticket. The insurance money is just to important.