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brent72 
2:42pm, December 26, 2008
It's time to go. It's time to go home. I have to start getting things ready. I need to send all these old family pictures to my oldest sister. I don't want Debbie to have to do that after I'm gone. I have to figure out who to send my Dad's flag to. I think my little sister would really like to have it, but protocall says that the oldest daughter gets it. I guess I'll have to just figure that out. I need to have a yard sale and get rid of all my tools and stuff in the garage so that Debbie doesn't have to worry about doing that either. The van is fixed now so that is done. I have to get the mower back together and get it running good and sell the old one. I think she will be able to use this newer one easier. Still have to fix three corners of the house roof. I think that will about do it then. I hope I can hold on that long. I need to wait until He calls me home for whatever reason. The insurance won't pay if I don't wait. I can't leave Debbie with all of these bills. I have already failed her so terribly. I am just such a whimp. I couldn't even handle this part time work at home job. I just can't deal with stress. They just keep pushing all of this stuff on you to do and not do and don't forget to do this and that. Then in the next sentence they harp on you about taking to much time with clients. How the heck are you supposed to do all of that stuff without taking time. I just can't figure out how any one can do it. There are a few people that they say are so it most be doeable. I just can't. Why can't I just let all this crap roll of of my back. It just keeps eating at me no matter how hard I try not to let it bother me. I am just such a whimp.....no wonder Debbie doesn't "want" me anymore. She needs a man not a whimp. No woman wants a whimp. I'm fat, bald and a whimp. I am sorry to everyone here at DS that I have let down also. I thought I had it together finally. I guess I was wrong. I was bringing in some money and I thought that I was helping people again. I'm just not good enough. I need to get to work and get these things done so I am ready to go when He calls me home. I hope it is soon. I don't know how much longer I can wait. I have to wait though. I can't let Debbie down again. Maybe I can help things along be not taking my meds? I'll have to think about that. I don't want to screw that up to and end up a veggy and more trouble for Debbie. Please just call me home. Got to go I have lots to get ready.
Comments
Brent, PLEASE take some deep breaths, and say a long prayer. Tell him everything you just said here and more. Pour your heart out to GOD let him know your pain, ask him for help. He will help you. I just hope your list is very long, so you never run out of things to get done for Debbie. You are not a whimp. From all the wonderful things you have wrote her on DS, that proves that you are a good person with alot of care for others. Time to take care of you, if you do that then things will start working out. I found out that I had to get myself together so I could be here strong for my hubby when he gets to come home. You need to do the same. Build yourself up with positive thoughts then you will see the stress go out of Debbies eyes. Please take care, go to your knees and give all this to GOD and don't leave anything out....Cherri
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