brent72's Journal

     Well I think I am getting out of my funk again a little. I seem to always get into one on the weekends. I think it is because Debbie is home and working her butt of. She works so hard all week then on the weekend she does all the work around the house with the cleaning and all. It just makes me feel more useless. I do try to do some things around the house but it's just not enough. I can ignore it during the week, but when she is here and doing all the work on the weekends I can't ignore the fact that I just don't do enough.

     I have been doing some more research about my Dad's time in the Military during WWII. I sure wish I had asked him more about it while he was alive. I have recently found out that he was in something called the Amphibious Forces of the Navy. I just don't know exactely what he did and where. I guess I will never know that now. I do know that he was a Quartermaster 2nd Class when he got out. I also know that he was on several LSTs, and a couple of LCTs. I just don't know if he was involved in any "hot" landings anywhere. I kind of think that maybe he was more into transporting them from the shipyards to different parts of the world where they were used for beach landing invasions. The avatar is the shoulder patch that was worn by members of the Amphibious Forces. I have gotten all of his papers from the Navy archives but that only tells me what ships and bases he was stationed at. It does not tell me what landings he may have been involved in. It also does not tell me where these ships went. I know from him that he spent time in Japan and at Pearl Harbor after the attack. Really wish I would have ask him more questions when I was able to.

     I have also been trying to get my feelings settled in my mind about my time or lack of it in the military. I posted my story in the Veterans and Vietnam Veterans group asking them what their feeling were. So far I have gotten all positive comments. I just can't help feeling that I just did not do enough. If things just would have been different personally at the time, maybe I would have been able to do my entire hitch. I really feel bad about that and have for many many years now. Thing is though that I have really never finished anything that I have started. Now here I am not earning my way and just living off of the government and my wife.

     I got to stop before I am back in my funk again. Time to do something and try not to think about myself and my life. I need to get this settled though sometime soon. I can't keep sliping in and out of these feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness all the time. I am trying to get all my meds switched over to the VA because they are so much cheaper. Since I don't bring in hardly any money I don't feel like I should be spending so much on all of my meds.  Only thing is the VA does not supply a lot of the meds I have been taking. So I have to switch to different meds again. Both for my Blood Pressure and depression. So I have to do this slowly trying to make sure that I don't screw up my blood pressure again. Debbie is not very happy about me switching but I am spending way to much with the co-pays from her insurance. There is a big difference between $30 a month and $8 a month for as many meds as I take. I have got to go to the VA. Which is another thing because I don't really feel like I have earned the right with the short time I was in.

     My back has been bad the last couple of weeks now. Not as bad as it has been in the past but worse than it has  been lately. Fortunately as long as I have my recliner and my rolled up towel I can "stretch" it out and ease up the pain. My fingers seem to be getting worse every day though. Especially my right hand. I cann't make a fist. When I try my middle and ring finger really hurt. My little finger shoots pain through it if I move it just right. I can't figure out what the just right is though. I just get this shot of pain through it when I move it a certain way. It just doesn't seem to take the same movement every time. Wow that doesn't make much sense. Sorry. Funny how the slight movement of typeing doesn't really effect them. Just make a fist or moving them just right.

     Enough rambleing for now.