Journal

Hey Guys,

              I've got to share a story with you....

I mentioned in last weeks "Update" that a barge had hit the bridge to the island I live on. Well, 2 days ago it reopened to vehicle traffic and closes for 2 hours each day to allow marine traffic passage.

I had been ridding with the friend I work with at the plantation. I would drive us to the bridge where I'd park and we would catch a small boat that would ferry us across the waterway to the mainland. He had a vehicle parked over there that we'd walk to, then drive to the plantation. Process repeated in reverse on the return.

One day we stopped at Wal-Mart and picked up some necessities. I made sure I only bought what I could carry comfortably in 2 small baags for the boat ride and walks to and fro the vehicles. Carlos (the friend) on the other hand, loaded up with all kinds of stuff...2 whisky 5th bottles, a bottle of Cognac, huge heavy jugs of laundry detergent, 2 liter soft drinks, bags of ice.... and the hugest "jumbopack" of toilet paper. I'm talking like about 142 rolls off the gigantic 2-ply rolls.

Ok, so he drops me off as close as possible to where the boat will dock so we don't have to walk so far from where he parks the car. Instead of waiting for him, I decided to try to hoist all the various bags, bottles and the jumbopack of TP by myself and begin heading towards the dock. I'm struggling, worried that I'm going to drop a bottle and VERY self-conscious of the fact I'm carrying his shit papper.( notice this constant "theme" of shit in most of my journals?...)

Just as I get my hoof on and am managing to make my way, what do I see? Go ahead, just guess.....you'll never guess in a million years. Oh no, I'm not JUST telling you, really, I want you to guess.........

As I near the docking point, I see the cute girl from channel 9 News with her cameraman and as I lumber along waited down with all my "booty", all eyes and camera are on ME. Shit.

I guess  Ms. Channel 9 read my mind, because she came over to me laughing and immediatly told me  she was there to film the kids who were due any moment to arrive by schoolbus and board the boat for the journy across. Whew! What a relief......I just KNEW that I'd be on national TV with that jumbopack of shit papper in one hand and and the bottle of Cognac in the other. Oh Brother.

Carlos arrived from parking the car and we made the last run across before the schoolbus arrived.

Yup, God is mercifull. ((GRIN))

                                                  Ok. I made up my mind that for the first 30 days of my Quit I would not give any thought to what I ate - calories, nutrition value etc... I shoveled anything and everything into my pie hole. My attitude was that the Quit was the most important thing and if I packed on a few pounds no big deal. If it bothered me, I'd take care of it later. And that remains my attitude.

So day 31 arrived (my "later") 12 days ago (today being day #43) and I  was experiencing this bloating feeling and my ankles were swollen. Now the "bloating" had been going on for awhile (2 weeks) and I'd been taking some water pills (still no period, thank God), but they haven't worked much.

 And the swollen ankles,...er,.....freekin "CANKLES"....Whats up with dat? I have no medical conditions so I've chalked it up to withdrawal from one of the thousands of chemicals and toxins that are leaving my body now that I'm smoke free.

So, the wife says that shes ordering these pills and I've "just got to take them". A million dollars and 2 days later, UPS arrives with a package. She tells me that if I follow the directions and take "all the pills as directed", I'll be "a new man". Ok. I'll bite.

What I'm taking is an all natural "intestinal scrub" that will ...."purify and detox my body while regulating my digestion".  I wasn't real excited about it but the bottle does say,.........."works gently and won't disrupt your daily life".

BULLSHIT. OH MY GOSH........hey, like RIGHT NOW....pardon me while I make my umpteenth run to the toilet this morning...... 5 minutes later: (Bill walking s-l-o-w-l-y back to the computer desk, holding himself up by leaning against the furniture along the way) 

A friend sent me a link to a website where people give their experiences on different products. I read up on this product. 57people complained about it not working for them(out of the whole world).  I read the complaints and praises. This one lady wrote in that  she got rid of worms, snakes and various parasites......SAY WHAAAAAT? I haven't seen any snakes yet, but then again, I'm not paying real close attention either.

So let me get to the meat of my story here..... Yesterday marked day #3 that I'd been on the pills and  I've been within easy reach of a bathroom during days 1 & 2. Well, Saturday mornings I put in 4-5 hours at the plantation and there is nobody there. I'm talking, the mansion is locked and the nearest bathroom is in town 10 miles away. I think you can see where this is going........

I'm painting a beautiful ornate wrought iron gate out in front of the estate near the highway. Cars are slowing down to "ooooh and aaaaaah" at the place (it is VERY impressive). This is out in the country where folks wave and smile and  I'm doing both when IT HITS ME.....those "rumblings".

OH JESUS HELP ME.  I set down my paint can and attempted some sort of  "dignified hoof" across the manicured grounds while waving a cordial "goodbye" to the adoring minions  who have slowed on the highway. I knew IMMEDIATELY that there would be no driving into town to use the Chevron Station toilet.  What to do?.....Security cameras everywhere and the mansion and any outbuildings that might offer privacy, seemed  like miles away.

By now I'm not even half way across the grounds near any
"cover" and I begin to cramp up something horrible. Christ, I've got the beginings of a turtle-head poking out. Now I'm all doubled up -  it's like a horror movie. I'm already rehearsing my explanation to the owners as to why I'm on the security cameras taking a shit in front of the mansion......the pain is unbearable and THE NOISE......freekin rumblings in the stomach. At this point, I'm pretty much resolved to the fact that this is NOT going to turn out well.

To hell with my dignity. I begin this wild combination sprint, lope, hop and a "little girl like" skip, at about 90 mile an hour mind  you, towards the nearest out building. I tear around the cornor out of sight from the road and the mansion and HOPEFULLY any cameras. I  zipped out of the body suit -thank GOD I was wearing one -  kicked my work boots and socks off (didn't want to shit anything as I had 2 more hours to work and no change of clothes with me) all in just the nick of time. CRAPPED LIKE A PONY I'M TELLING YOU!!. Bare ass naked, hoping beyond hope that the security cameras don't make me. Or that nobody passes on the gravel road alongside the sugarcane field to my right .Or that the neighbor doesn't come in for a landing on his grass runway to my left. SO MANY VARIABLES. 

I'll be lucky if I don't have some "splainin to do".

Well, I'm on this stuff for  a total of 10 days. I have every confidence that I'll loose what little weight I've put on those first 30 days being smoke-free, by the end of the next 6 days. The bloating is better and my "cankels" have dissiapeard here on day #4. I should mention that I'm eating a good breakfast and a huge salad for dinner now. My only indulgence is "Licorice Bridge Mix" by Jelly Belly....it is GREAT. 

I thank God everyday that I'm working free of my nicotine addiction. You guys here on DS are a big help with all your support and encouragement.  I know one thing, and that is: I have got to keep laughing and by now you must know that I am a "humor whore" .........(sigh)..... Adjusting to life as a non-smoker does get easier as time passes. 

Learn what you can from my story and pitch the rest.......((GRIN))

                        You know, had to change my whole mindset concerning my relationship with my weeds. This is something we all have to do to help us sever the strong ties/bonds we have with our smoking habits.

                                                  For the longest time - oh, most of my 12 year marriage I'd say,  the wife would  refer to my smoking habit as "the other woman" in our relationship.

                                                 I never smoked around my wife, in our homes or our vehicles. Even while outside together, I'd usually go off away from her to have my smoke. I spent a HUGE amount of time with my "other woman", and boy how willing she was to have whatever time I could spare.

                                                 A few months before I quit, I realized that I needed to start looking at my habit in another way. Thinking of my nic addiction as my female lover I spend my every other moment with, was not doing much to influence me to give it up. It didn't help that by now the "other woman" sentiment was so ingrained in our thoughts and vocabularies, that the wife would often ask me when I'd return from a smoke,..."well, how was she?"  It really did become a pitiful joke and the wife of course resented all my time spent with "her".

                                                 So, I began my campaign of turning it all around mentally and that's how I come up with the "shit sandwich". We stopped all references to my smoking habit as "the other woman in our relationship". It now became just simply "my shit sandwich". Every time I would retreat to the back porch for my weed, I'd envision myself eating one.

                                                  Lets see. Shit on Rye with pickles and onion. Shit on Pumpernickel with tomato and lettuce. Shit on 7-Grain with Swiss cheese and mayo....... It's absolutly crazy the things addiction will drive us to do.

                                                   If the wife would see me headed outside, she'd say,..."bring a napkin". See, allow me to explain.... when you eat a shit sandwich, often times the shit is messy and you need that napkin to wipe shit off your chin or shirt or off the table.

                                                    So, Saturday July 12 at 11:40pm I had my last shit sandwich. That one was VERY messy if I remember correctly. Shit everywhere and I used a "wet-nap" to clean up afterwards.

                                                      Are YOU romancing your old smoking habit? Maybe it would help you to change the way you think of it?