Journal

Well today is my last day at idexx.  its hard for a few reasons.   i dont have any work to do but my manager doesnt want me to leave early.  the other is i am happy here regardless of the work drama that happens.  Im trying to be strong as i sit here infront of the computer bored out of my skull.  The emotions came yesterday. I felt acceptance with this few days ago but not now that im facing the last day. 

Im trying to keep things on hold in the love department.  chris wants another chance but i didnt like his insecurity. Plus i learned somethings of him i wouldnt be comfortable to continue anything deeper then friends.  Dave well whats to say?  Im trying to be strong and accept hes not here.  He spent all november calling me, came to my door crying, texting me every day through out the day.  Called my best friend and talked to her.  So i let him last friday come over.  Saturday i was going to a concert with brea and tim.  Dave was going to go out with the guys and we would meet up after all of everything. But i wanted to see him sooner and invited him to come with us to the concert.  He had to go to his friends first so i didnt let him come over. yeah i canceled on him and he wants to say i was wrong for it but I wanted to be first.  I deserve first.  if i cant have that then im not waiting for after.  So i told him i need time for myself.