one week
October 30, 2009 2:17pm
that's how long i've been home.
friday was great. got to see my boy and hold him tight. got to cuddle with my dog and husband.
saturday got …
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chicadea
9:53am, October 30, 2009
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About Me
chicadea
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About Me
living in the frigid midwest (it's officially minnesota winter now and for the next 8 months) with my husband and step-son.
living in the frigid midwest (it's officially minnesota winter now and for the next 8 months) with my husband and step-son.
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Interests
reading, writing, music, sculpture, anything and everything creative.
reading, writing, music, sculpture, anything and everything creative.
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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yesterday *TRIGGER*
October 29, 2009 1:18pm
was a hard f*ing day! i'm konked out with a hard flu and sleeping 20 hours a day. around noon i started feeling really desperate and obssessing …
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gripe
October 28, 2009 9:57am
got booted from the hospital too early cause they needed the bed. kicked over to transitional housing for a few days (was supposed to be "about …
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dying on the vine
October 13, 2009 9:59pm
dh got home almost five hours ago and we've barely spoken a dozen words to each other. i feel like i NEED to talk about what's going on and …
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tempted
October 11, 2009 9:29pm
dh tried to explain to me why he was so bothered by my phone call last night. according to him it had nothing to do with the fact that i was talking …
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Hugbook
Miss You
hey, how are ya, Chicka?? ~hugs~
Miss You
Just popping by to see how you're doing,so lemme know how you are, cheers!
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Flower
hey, friend.....how's it going ? drop me a line, lemme know what's up, Chica!! peace.
Hug
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Shout Out
Even though I'm having to go to the local library to use a comp while mine is being reformatted, I stopped by to let you know that I'm thinking of you.
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Heart Attack
Last week my husband had a heart attack. They put a stent in the artery that was 99% blocked and are taking a wait-and-see approach on the three others that are 60%. The lifestyle changes are going to be a struggle (quitting smoking and coffee, adopting a regular exercise routine, limiting or eliminating "bad" foods) and I don't feel like I know what I'm doing.
Close Smoking Addiction & Recovery
My husband recently had a heart attack so many lifestyle changes are afoot; not the least of which is quitting smoking!
Treatments
- Nicotine Gum Too Soon to Tell
- I'm using this. It tastes horrible and something in it makes me cough when I swallow; but does take the edge off of cravings. I like that it's something to "do" as opposed to something passive that's constantly in the system. If will give it another week or two and see what happens.
- Nicotine Patch Too Soon to Tell
- My husband is using these but is allergic to the adhesive. When we see his doc on the 16th we're going to ask for Chantix.
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressionfour years ago i met the man of my dreams, moved to another state to live with him, happily ever after. in the first year i found out that he's been on antidepressants for 15 years. ok. then he had to file bankruptcy. still ok. then, this june he had a heart attack. three weeks later another one. a week after that we got an eviction notice. so i had to complete the entire move all by myself (drs orders). we're poor. life is hard. i'm tired.
Treatments
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- in and out of therapy from age 16. spent three years (28-31) with a fantastic therapist that helped a lot. things went downhill when she started seeing my (ex)husband and i for individual and couples work.
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- fake it til ya make it. this only works for the mildest of blues. the can't get out of bed, stare at the wall kinda stupor that's only broken by hysterical jags of sobbing -not so effective.
- Prozac Somewhat Helpful
- took it years ago and it made me "energetic". taking it again now and it makes me sleepy. still depressed
- Wellbutrin Not Working
- took it as a teen and felt better for a while then suicidal. took it again as an adult and got a rash
- Writing Working / Worked
- i write every day. sometimes in a paper journal, sometimes in a public blog. the public seems to be more cathartic but i don't know how genuinely useful it is
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- first one i took as a teen. caused major gi upset and was discontinued quickly.
Open Healthy Relationships
My husband and I met almost 4.5 years ago, have been living together for 4 and married for 2. When we first met, we talked every day, about our motivations, our ideals and desires. We talked in detail about what kind of lifestyle we wanted and clearly defined each other's roles in the relationship... Things haven't turned out the way either of us expected and I'm finding myself feeling guilty about feeling resentful and pretty helpless when it comes to ideas to "fix" it.
Treatments
- Patience Somewhat Helpful
- Some things, if I wait long enough, they work themselves out, but others, just get forgotten about.
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- Like patience, works for some things but not all
- Writing Somewhat Helpful
- Definitely allows me a needed pressure valve but doesn't help me get any nearer a solution or answers.
Open Personality Disorders
in and out of therapy (talk and drug) since 16. past trauma (emotional and physical). diagnosed with major depressive disorder (taking meds for that). married, one step son, no family or friends in the state in which i live. 34, female and in reasonably good physical health.
Treatments
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- i write a lot and come to groups like this for commiseration, more so than "answers". nothing seems real enough to be able to accept any "answer" as real, ya know.
Open Chronic Pain
my husband and i both suffer from chronic pain and mental illness. he's been living with his for two decades. for me the mental illness has been about as long but the chronic pain is fairly recent (past several months) . the stress, turmoil and fear is destroying what used to be a beautiful, supportive and loving relationship
Treatments
- Flexeril Working / Worked
- helps with spasms but not for pain
- Heat Working / Worked
- i used a heating pad every day for my shoulder, hands and/or back (whichever is feeling worst)
- Hydrocodone Working / Worked
- my husband has a prescription and he says it works well. sometimes, if my pain is particularly evil i'll take a half a tablet and it takes the "sharp edges" off
- Marijuana Working / Worked
- i used to smoke a lot but haven't used it regularly in over ten years. a couple of months ago, during a visit with my family in another state, i used some and it worked immensely well. the state in which i live does not yet have a medical marijuana law - it's just all together illegal.
- Morphine Working / Worked
- my husband had morphine in the hospital when he had his heart attacks last july and said it was wonderful.
- Naproxen Too Soon to Tell
- i'm currently prescribed this medication as an adjunct to oxycontin.(20mg twice a day) I just started it today and haven't noticed any appreciable difference yet
- Neurontin Too Soon to Tell
- my dose was just doubled today (from 300mg to 450mg daily) so i don't know if it's going to help or not
- Oxycodone Working / Worked
- works for a few hours (20mg twice daily) but still have significant "breakthrough" pain
- Physical Therapy Somewhat Helpful
- prescribed six weeks of PT after diagnosis of rotator cuff syndrome. I felt better when it was done and have continued to do my daily exercise routine but the pain has returned, maybe even worsened
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
i was lured into a cult, held against my will and brainwashed; my self-worth, already low, was demolished. now, a decade later, the memories of that terrible time are fewer and fainter but i find myself suddenly in tears, remembering the heart attack my husband had one year ago.
Treatments
- Art Somewhat Helpful
- doing creative work helps me to get "outside myself" and into a positive "head space". it requires attention to detail and is very close to a meditation.
- Effexor Not Working
- i found that the side-effects far outweighed the benefits
- Guided Imagery Somewhat Helpful
- it's relaxing and in a comfortable setting can be comforting but simple deep breathing exercises or stretching are just as helpful and can be done independently.
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- different music for different moods and/or tasks can be helpful
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- i've been in a lot of therapy over the past two decades and found that efficacy is in direct proportion to rapport with one's therapist.
- Zoloft Somewhat Helpful
- i took this one a long time ago, when it was new, as prescribed for depression. it helped a little but, ultimately, the side-effects were too many and the benefits too few.
