stokesy

Open Transgender

I'm not sure about my gender but lately the feelings to be female are getting stronger again. Around 18 until I was 21-22 I did question who I was on a regular basis. I remember crossdressing and playing with my sisters toys, dolls & stuffed animals from about 8 to 14. Mum also thinks I was CD'ing when I was 6 or 7. Not sure if the abuse during childhood has played a part. Still quite confused but would like to go further with it to see how I feel.

Treatments

Talking Somewhat Helpful

I have been talking to my parents lately about this. I've had the best conversations with my stepmum but I'm realising they can only help me so far. My dad is reqlly quiet about it as he doesn't know how to react. I'm starting to believe that my biological Mum & my sister don't support me at all with this.

Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depression

I've been depressed ever since I can remember. I was abused by my step-father physically & sexually when I was a child which closed me off from everyone. I've only just started to tell people now about what I remember. I was also abused by my Mum during high school in a physical & emotional way. I feel as if my Dad wasn't there for me emotionally as he was really not apart of my life growing up & more concentrated on his own family. My personal life now is a complete mess.

Treatments

Effexor Somewhat Helpful

They're okay but I still feel numb on these, specially lately when I've wanted to cry & just can't.

Lexapro Not Working

Didn't work, I felt extremely numb on these pills.

Paxil Not Working

Worked for the panic attacks but not my depression. Felt quite numb on these.

Open Step Families

My parents divorced when I was 1 & a half years old so all I remember is having the separate families. There was a lot of fighting between families & between partners. I grew up in a violent household with Mum most of my life. Her partner also abused me. Mum divorced him too. Things between me and my parents are better in some ways now that I'm older but this still has affected my life greatly.

Open Self-Injury

I've had periods in my life where I've been suicidial. I have SI'd a number of times especially during my last job. This included cutting my wrists & punching myself both in the head & my legs. A couple of months back I punched my leg hard enough to cause a blood clot & needed to take 2 weeks off work. I haven't SI'ed for a while although at times I really want to. If there was a quick easy way to die, I would take it.

Open Physical & Emotional Abuse

I was physically abused by my step-father as a child. I remember he would bash me in the shower. This almost happened every night. There was sexual abuse as well. My Mum physically & emotionally abused me while I was in high school. She threatened to kick me out on a number of occasions by throwing my things out on the front lawn. She also used to hit me with things around the house & with her fists but she denies it. I'm stuggling to let it go.

Treatments

Forgiveness Not Working

I'm trying to forgive my Mum but it hasn't been easy. I've broken down a number of times over the years as I've tried to discuss things with my family. I will never forgive my stepfather for what he did to me & my family. It would be in his best interest to stay away from me.

Leave Considering

I have been thinking about moving to the East Coast but I know that I would only be running away from my problems.

Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell

Talking through my issues with my pyschologist & psychiatrist.

Talking Not Working

This doesn't seem to work with my family but it has been good to vent here on DS.

Open Loneliness

I feel like I don't fit anywhere. I have always been the 'Black Sheep' in my family & have never really had many friends. I'm trying hard to change this but sometimes it's not easy & I think I'm better off alone.

Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

My psychologist has said I may be suffering from this due to what happened during childhood.

Treatments

Effexor Not Working

Taking these for depression & but I'm still quite depressed & want to just sleep alot. I have always thought that drugs aren't the answer here. They do take away a bit of the effects of depression but it's still all there, just masked in a way. Saying that, maybe I need a higher dose?

EMDR Not Working

It's quite weird & hard to focus. I haven't done this for quite a while as other issues have come up.

Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell

Working through all my issues at the moment. Due to the way I am now, I've been told & believe that it will be a very long road ahead.

Open Shyness

I have always been quite shy & sometimes I believe I have social phobia. Not sure if this has anything to do with my childhood & the fact of not having my friends at school.

Treatments

Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell

Open Personality Disorders

I'm not sure where exactly I fit here or what it would be called but the more I've investigated my issues, the more it seems like I have a personality disorder.

Open Inguinal Hernia

I had a hernia when I was an infant & again when I was 14.

Treatments

Surgery Working / Worked

Worked as an infant but developed on the other side as a teenager.

Open Scoliosis

I've had scoliosis since birth. The curve is in my lower back, right at the base of my spine. Ocaasionally my back just 'pops' out for no real reason.

Open Incest Survivors

My stepfather sexually abused me as a child.