Journal

man, i was outta my head last night

talking to someone who wouldn't give me the info i needed

cussing, told him i hate him, i was desperate to help my kid

now i remember that it is love that moves mountains not

begging, pushing, doubting, hating, trying to force...

how did i forget    only love softens any one

i was so desperate    i am sooooo broken

i was trying to take action to find him in case he is alive

but i forgot about God,  i faile to ask God to help me

i did and said EVERYTHING i could to find him and i failed

now i remember

only God can do anything, i can do nothing on my own... how did i forget that????

i was desperate, i coulda prayed but forgot, i was too desperate and thought i knew what would save my son, i was wrong again

yea, we all have our free agency to do whatever we want to do, say, be

but God will assist me whenever i say a righteous pray, he helps free agency when it's good 

plz don't ever worry...if i get suicidal i will reach out to u

but i have learned to change what ever is making me feel suicidal

now i take action,  i've grown old with all my self destructions

they are wasted efforts for freedom they never worked

only truth can set me free

God is the author of truth

God is love

God is all power, how did i forget that when i wanted to help my son?

if u don't know the God of Love don't hit me with ur F God stuff,

GOD is all Good

the Liar is all Bad

i forgot that God won't take over our self will

God will always help and inspire but he will never force anyone to do anything

God let's us choose

it's too simple to get mixed up about,  but i thought i could do something

i forgot i am powerless over anyone

i forgot God won't force anyone

i'm not God and forcing is wrong

God lets us all be free

we do bad

we do good

it's always our choice

God is all power for the good

God is my love

if my son is gone he is safe now

i want him, but maybe only God could help him

he was in so much pain

his heart is pure

maybe he is still alive