Soleil's Journal

 This is a poem I wrote when I first started my healing journey from childhood sexual abuse.  I have shared it before with some of my friends, but now I feel that there are others whom might benefit from it.  Sorry it is so big but I couldn't get it to reduce and fit to this page.

A CHILDHOOD LOST

By: Soleil

Within by heart,

Within my soul,

Your sordid actions

Took their toll.

I built my walls.

I closed my doors.

You took from me,

What wasn’t yours.

Upon myself,

I placed the blame.

I led a life,

You filled with shame.

I thought for sure,

I must have sinned.

I buried it all

Deep within.

A childhood lost,

To all the pain,

You placed on me

For your own gain.

There was less laughter.

I hardly cried.

I tried to forget.

I felt, I died.

I kept your secret.

I never told.

But then again,

I was five years old.

Though, the years

Have passed me by,

What you have done,

I no longer deny.

The time has come.

I, now, can see,

To let my heart

And soul be free.

Upon you now,

I place this blame.

It is not I,

Who bears this shame.

Before your God,

Will come your day,

For all your sins,

You’ll have to pay.

It is my childhood,

I must reclaim.

My life can never

Remain the same.

Now I see,

All you have done.

My life’s healing

Has just begun.

Though my journey,

May be long and rough,

Because of you,

I am now tough.

Tear down my walls

And open my doors.

The power is mine.

It no longer is yours.

Into my heart,

Love can now flow,

As pure as it should be,

As pure as the snow.

Where there was once

darkness,

There is now light.

My life is changing,

To my hearts delight.

For once in my life,

I feel whole.

I can love with my heart.

I’ve reclaimed my soul.