Journal

Okay - so I signed on tonight and realized my last post was quite the downer. Thought I should try and be a little more positive since i just posted about reconciling.

Things are up and down but what is different now is we both have skills to cope with it. We have learned to say 'I'm sorry' with sincerity and great frequency. Boy, does that make all the difference in the world (especially since he never said it pre-separation). Our counselor says that all couples have issues that they never resolve. So true....

On my good days, I've learned to smile and say to myself, 'That's just the way he is." I can now see that he resorts to the most irritating habits when he is stressed. So do I. Tonight, he was stressed (work), I was stressed (teenage son) and, of course, we clashed. It's inevitable but not fatal. I can see now that a lot of this was about me changing my thought processes. And about him changing the way he interacts with me. We both had to make great changes.

And yet, I'm still not ready to give up the bi-weekly counseling. I think of it as my lifeline.....

Ah....marriage. Is it hard for everyone or is it just me?? Sometimes I think I'm stuck in my own little version of relationship hell.

Having a bad day. Husband is working about 60 hrs a week right now and it's only Feb 7th! It will get up to 80 hrs a week by the end of the month.

Here's the thing. Our relationship is tenuous at best even when things are going well, although it has been getting stronger over the last year. When he's gone all the time, it's hard to have any sense of connection.

So when he is here and things are strained, like last night - it makes it that much harder to recover those good feelings. Our 'sacred' date night didn't start out too well. Some Friday nights go great and we have a lot of fun. Others, not so much. It feels like we're going through the motions.

So we had a stupid argument about politics. I don't take it very well when someone close to me disagrees with me and can't support their position with facts. It's easy to listen to the 'talking heads' and form an opinion based on what someone else is telling you. But if you are going to take a position, for god's sakes, at least know what you're talking about. Do some research. It's all out there on the web, even the 679 page house stimulus bill.

I don't expect my husband to agree with me on everything but he 'flip-flops' like crazy and it drives me bonkers. 

So...it put a huge damper on the whole night and I couldn't quite recover enough to have fun. I know...it's my fault. Although, if I saw him more than every other day, things would be better. Maybe.

I'm sitting here watching Obama give a speech on the stimulus bill. Love him or hate him...you have to admit the man is articulate.