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ladybug246978 
11:43am November 18
Today was a horrible day. My big brother told me that he didn't want me in his life because I don't agree with the way he is living it. He cussed me so bad today that he actually broke through my strong shield of ignoring it and I cut myself just to feel something other than the hurt and stress of it all. Normally I usually go to pain. I am no proud of the cutting and in fact I hadn't done it for over a year until today. I have my MRI to worry about I am having headaches all the time again, and now my ass of a brother is pulling his crap like he always does. I just can't handle what life is throwing at me anymore. I simply wish I would die and get it over with.
Comments
Well I went yet again to my 6th month check up with my eye specialist and well it didn't go well at all. The 2 hour drive was full of construction work and on top of that it was raining the whole day. Then I get to my appointment to find out my eyes are going near sided again which I think is how all this tumor drama started was with going near sided. The only funny part of the day was how bad I did on the letter reading test, and I insulted a rather HOT soon to be doctor. I thought he was a PA and he corrected me with "no a 4th year medical graduate." I was so embarressed but it usually is a PA that comes in before the doctor. LOL anyways....I got some really cute plastic glasses because they were cheaper for one. My mom actually offered to pay for them. She knows my disability budget is VERY tight. I did get a pretty shirt too. Mom tried to make the rest of the day a better one for me to take my mind off of the road of my tumor could be growing again. ugh....I am working on the great imaging but it is always hard to get started on it.
Today my baby brother turned 5 years old today. I can't believe he is that old. Seems like yesterday we got to bring him home from the hospital and then a year later adopt him. He begged for a skate board so he got one but we were all holding our breath the whole time he was on it. LOL Well thats my day today. I am so exhausted mentally and physically so I am heading to bed early tonight. I had to be up by 6 am and ready by 7am. Night all
I am hoping I like these classes so I can have something to do in my life besides sit at home. I already enrolled just have to get there now. Aug. 4th is my first day
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Goal Updated
I think what has happened is you have just been hit with so much at once.....The headaches, wondering and worrying about the MRI and then your brother lashing out at you b/c U said something that angered him! It s just a lot at once for anyone, but U can see that U have gone so long w/o harming yourself before, that U know U can do it again! Just take some breaths and relax and regroup and pray!! Trust in God to lessen the headaches once more and help you get back on and stay on the right track again.....U can do it
ShannonDP