Trying so hard
I am getting my life back. I have been given a 2nd chance & I am not going to blow it. I have been taking care of …
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Laura20 
1:24pm, October 25, 2009
I am so depressed. Its not stopping & its the longest its ever gone on. I am waiting for my MRI results but afraid. What if nothing shows up. My knee is sttill swollen after 6 weeks. I live in pain. If I stay real still sometimes it will stop for a little while. I wake up everyday day wishing I was dead. I refuse to take any pain med. I can't take advil due to 3 ulcers & am working on a 4th ulcer. The stress of the past few years has done me in. The bicycle accident,the malignnant melanoma, the broken toes, my parents deaths 10 years of agony for my mom of ovarian cancer & 1 year of hallicinayions for my father. My 2 operations, the ulcer, my husbands cancer & watching him suffer through chemo. The accusation that I was abusing pain meds even though my Dr said she knows better& would testify in court that I was'nt.I am trying so hard but life really sucks. If I don't return to work soon I will be forced into a early retirement.I wake up each day hoping thing will be better but they are always worse. I don't know how to get through this!
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Dear Laura
I'm so sorry Honey I didn't realize things were so hard on you right now. You listen girl - I've been accused of being a drug addict/seeker myself and I am totally against drugs unless absolutely necessary. The knee problems seem like they are needed. Your doctor would not offer the drugs if she did not know you would be safe with them. Maybe you can just take 1/2 tab of pain killer when you can't stand it anymore. By making yourself deal with the pain you could be making you body stress more making the pain worse.
Have you tried water therapy? I'm starting that right now - that could also help your knee pain. Also try ice/heat on your knee.
Ibuprofen shouldn't be so hard on your stomach as asprin is. I had an ulcer before so I always have to be careful.
Hang in there sweetie! I know you've had a rough many years but you are a strong woman and you will get through this. Please don't hurt yourself - talk to your MD about how you feel - she may have an anti-depressant for you that could help.
Email anytime! Hang in there Honey! I believe in you!
CathyM and Otis
OtisandCathy
Life can be very, very hard sometimes. So much of it doesn't make sense at all. the pain causes stress, stress causes depression, depression can cause pain to feel worse and it becomes a vicious circle with no end in sight. somehow the cycle has to be broken and it can be hard, often requires the help of a professional or if you are a believer the answer lies in the path that God has you on whether you know what that path is or not.
I would definitely recommend seeking some help, a counselor, a trusted clergyman, a dr that you trust and who is good at what they do. I have faith there is an answer somewhere, some relief somewhere. It's just a question of where you find that help that you need. My own personal recommendation would a good dr who will actually listen and has the knowledge and skill to help in someway. I don't know the answers and wish I did. What works for one may not work for another. Just don't give up. there is help somewhere, you just have to find it. Sorry I am not much help. you are in my prayers.
dragonfyre
Sweetheart, with what you've been through how would you NOT have needed some sort of crutch? No-one should judge you in any way, doctors included! I've just had to take ill-health retirement, and it's hard to face losing one's job, but sometimes it's for the best, finances permitting. I hope you don't mind me writing to you, I know we don't know one another (yet) Mickie xoxo (female, 50)
heartbroken50
I wish you the best on dealing with the pain, I know how unbearable it can become. Try not to let what others say bother you, they don't know how you feel so their opinions don't matter! You matter and how you feel matter, do what is best for you. Hang in there. ((((HUGS)))) Martha
2stressed
Laura, you have been through so much, and it makes no sense that you are stll going through too much! I read so much love in between your lines...you care for everyone...I have watched my friends go through the heartbreak of a spouse, or child, suffering through chemo...I don't know how you all get through it, either...it makes me feel guilty for feeling sad, sometimes...and, no I don't get the "why" of it all, either. Sleeplessrn and I used to have discussions about this...she didn't understand how her healthy soulmate just suddenly left this plane of existence without any warning...you are absolutely right...there are all kinds of pain and wondering can be the worst of them all! I know what the group Rush sings: "...if I could wave my magic wand...I'd set everybody free..." Wish I could for you, too!
rushfan74