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Laura20 
1:24pm, October 25, 2009
if all my life is going to be pain levels of 10 a few times a day. I try to do everything right. I ice it 24/7, ace wrap, brace. As you prob already now I am facing the loss of my house cause I cant return to work esp if I wind up with a knee replacement. Today I was in such unbearable pain I really wanted to die. Now that the pain is manageable I am more rational. I don't like the person the pain turns me into.
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I try so hard yet all I do is cause myself more pain. I am tired of crying from the pain. I am terrified if I can't return to work that we will lose our house. I don't see things getting better although I am fighting for my life & the house. Why does God let people live in hell for such long peroids of time? We have been through so much but it appears the hell is not going to stop anytime soon. :(
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(((Hugs))) I am sorry you are going through a rough time.
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I can't agree more with the above...I can't help but feel, too, that it's all for you to share with others, in writing your book. Everyone needs to feel connected to someone else--esp. in grief and hardship. Hon, I don't think anyone would deny that you haven't gone through either of those!
I am keeping you in my prayers and thoughts and hoping for a letup--at least--to all of this static and painful confusion that you and yours are going through...doesn't probably help that the holidays are coming up, I know...take care and God Bless. I am always thinking of you, Laura!
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Laura,
I am so sorry life is so difficult for you right now. Please try to keep a positive attitude and open mind. Solutions are more likely to appear when you are calm and happy with yourself. It makes me sad that you are so critical of yourself. You are going to go back to work, pay your bills and keep your house. You are strong and you will summon that strength and be just fine even if it doesn't seem like it. Can you sell your current house and buy a less expensive one with a lower mortgage payment? Have you tried negotiating with your lender? Do you know about the program that Obama passed that potentially lowers your interest to 2%, stretches the terms of the loan to lower the payment, or forgives a portion of the principle? Even if the eviction process begins, it may take a year or even longer before the sheriff comes and puts your belongings on the curb. Take a deep breath. You are strong. I am sorry God seems like he is abandoning you, but he is not.
to Me. God i am starting to give up on you. Please let me have 1 googd day with @ least pain as possible!
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Happy Birthday! Do not give up on God, he has not given up on you even though it may seem that way at times and the pain can make us cynical. It can also give us inner strength and compassion for others. It's your choice how you want to look at it. Now go have some fun!
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(((Hugs))) I wish that I had the power to take your pain away. My mom is dealing with some of your same issues and it it heartbreaking to see her in so much pain. I hope that you feel better soon.
kktylo
I understand what pain turned me into. I went untreated for years. My friend starting sharing her meds with me, Dilaudid and Fentora. She got 10 4-mg dillys per day and 4 800 -microg Fentora per day because she was a hardcore IV heroin addict for 12 yrs before getting cancer. She also double dipped and get additional meds from her oncologist. I was on those pills for 2 years + benzos and mj. My first 2 pain docs thought I was a drug addict! (I was a so-called pseudoaddict who stabilized after having my pain recognized and treated correctly by a doc.) Don't beat yourself up over who you are when in pain. All people will go to the extreme if they are in enough pain. I really feel for you in your situation. You are not as alone as you feel. Your life is worth it. YOU are worth it!
ChronicIL
Boy I know the feeling. I feel so helpless sometimes and I get so numb. I do not know if I ever will be the person I use to be. I am hoping that God will use this pain some how to make me a better person. For now I can't see how. Hang in there. We can get through this together.
slrow
I totally understand the pain in your knee it is what I feel in my whole body 24/7 Surgery can't fix me so I have to be a zombie on drugs. Life really sucks for me too. I wish we could talk more. And your in my prayers daily. We can't let this pain win. I'm still fighting. Fight with me Laura20 Together we can WIN
tendonshurt