BaeckaArabelle's Journal

Just when my life starts to turn around the depression kicks in. My life was going so well...Mike and I starting dating again, I was doing well in school, my band won state championships and I stopped cutting. I don't know what happened, but my life started spiraling downwards. I started hating school. It just sucks. I hate homework, tests, classwork...When I'm in school i just hate everything. I don't want to do anything anymore. I only want to hang out with my friends or go to band. I really hate life now. I want so badly to end it all. I've been contemplating it for weeks. I've tried to kill myself before and I was obviously unsuccessful. I decided a week ago that I definately wanted to die. I planned everything out. I picked December 21, 2009 as my date. There was only one problem...Mike. He knew something was wrong. He always does. No one else ever realizes except for him. So I told him everything. He was very upset, I could see it in his eyes. He kept his cool though. After a long silence, he said I could kill myself. However, if I ever decided I would, he vowed to kill himself...I could never let him do that. He is my best friend in the entire world and I love him to death. I will never let him throw his life away over something as small as my life. Mike is the one and only thing keeping me from killing myself. As long as he's alive, I'm going to live. No matter how bad it gets. I promise to stay alive for him.