pepper09mos's Journal at DailyStrength.org

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HUGS

Pepper, honey, at last another New Mexican! I live in Santa Fe. This is a difficult state to make friends in!!!!! I've been here 21 years, from So. CA. My daughter is coming tomorrow from there for a visit. I am so sorry about your friend leaving. I have only ONE good friend here in my town. Every other friend I have, I communicate with often by telephone and email and here. Know that there's another NM person here for you!

SFWriter

I completely understand what you are going through. My best friend and her family are moving from Calif. to Canada where her husband's family lives, in August. I know that when the day comes that they say "see you later" I will really lose it. You notice I did not say goodbye. I will pray that you will find someone , not to replace your friend, that is totally impossible, but someone will come into your life to become another friend.

AdoreHim

Dear Pepper - it is so hard to lose the opportunities to physically connect with your one and only REAL friend. I know how that feels. When I pulled away for the last time from my home in the Chicago area many years ago to move to the Phoenix area, I felt like my heart was being ripped out as I was leaving my two very best friends behind. My one best friend lived just 2 doors down and she could not even bear to come outside and see us pull away in our big U-Haul and our van.

New Mexico must be a lot like Phoenix according to what psawyer says, because it can be very difficult to make good friends here too. It's very transient, and everyone's backyard is fenced off in big concrete block fences, so you can't even look over to your neighbor's yard to yell "Hey, how ya doin?"

Yes, you guys can talk by phone and email, but it just isn't the same. It may help to find something to fill up your time. If you don't already, I know it sounds corny to some, but maybe if you could volunteer somewhere one day a week. Go to a nursing home or an assisted living place and play some cards with the folks that have no one - not a soul to ever visit them. Even if you work, certainly you have a couple of hours each week to do that.

If you prefer not to go out to volunteer, if you can sew, crochet or knit, you can make little blankets for the babies in the hospital or the homeless shelters. Or, if you can get out, see if your local hospital needs people to come and just rock the babies. Can you imagine a better way to spend your time?

Many people hesitate to do any kind of volunteering. They feel they have nothing to offer, or they just feel uncomfortable. But bringing joy to someone else, pays you back a hundredfold. And in volunteering, you are likely to meet others who are volunteering because they are trying to fill a void in their life like you will feel when your friend leaves.

I could give you a lot of suggestions, but whatever happens, it's going to be up to you to look outside yourself and find something to fill even a little bit of time to ease your loneliness, renew your sense of purpose, and give yourself an opportunity to meet a few new people and you may even find yourself with a new REAL friend, though it will be real friend #2.

I'm sorry for your loss, because that is what it feels like. Think back to other times when you've dealt with other losses and realize that in time you found a way to adjust and maybe discover what it is you need to do for you to help you through this.

And thank goodness for cell phones, or free long distance service because surely you too will be on the phone a lot. Take care of you, because when it comes down to it, it is you who will have to get yourself through this.

Good luck to you and a big ((((Pepper)))).

Arizonahugs

Thanks to all whom have answered and given me wonderful suggestions. Thanks for all the wonderful hugs as well. Pepper

pepper09mos

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