Giving Birth
Ok, so I found out I was pregnant in March of 2007. Pregnancy was an experience, least to say. I went into the hospital …
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ariesc8942 
8:41pm Monday
Greeting to all my True DS Friends
The time has come for me to once again let myself out again. Though it has felt and been so long, since the last time I have been writing on this site again. I have had so many changes, and many things have occurred in my life. I am definitely changing but I am going to be updating all of you on myself, goals and life’ changes. But before I do….. I have to let you know that on July 7 this year that it marked the day for me of being a supporting member on this site for what has been a whole 1 year. My first year anniversary which is great and I hope to have many more years to come. (Sorry but this journal maybe long so if you are reading this ….So Please bare with me)
I honestly don’t know where to begin but I will start off with my personal life and its changes. Well since the last time I have written in my journal, I was dealing with the realization of my past incest and abuse. It’s hard and it will always be to fully hard to deal with it …but I’m so determined to overcome it and to finally get HELP for myself. I want to one day finally be set FREE from all my past pain and inabilities. That is what I need and hope to accomplish one day. School is stressful, and also can be difficult at times. I have some serious decisions to make in wondering where my next move will be education wise! Emotionally I am everywhere…I have been feeling very sad, lonely, and alone. I want those feelings and emotions to go away soon, but they are all coming back around for a reason. (I Gotta deal with them). But I have to make sure to take it one step and day at time. I have been writing in my personal journal which has been helping me a lot since I don’t communicate nor associate myself with the same certain people anymore. I am seeking new possible friendships and people in my life. It’s a must for my own personal growth and further developments.
Next, my relationship with God and with my goals. Both are not where I want it to be at this point in my life. But it’s in the stride of my step that will help me be able to realize my worth and determination to get better. I must continue working on a better ME. I recently decided to quit and put a major hold on dating and ANY potential relationships. I need a serious turn-around and turn-over for myself. I didn’t like how I was in the past couple months while I was dating and involved with this guy for 3 unfortunate months. I realized that I need to be selfish, in control and to re-love myself more again because when you date someone and they enter your life they become a reflection where you were or who you are at that point in your life. I have to work harder toward my personal goals all around. I’m TAKING back myself worth, determination, courage, self- respect, focus and of course My-Self Love all back. The need to work on me and be selfish is so important for me again. I need to stop taking God for granted and be more of a stronger character and young woman. Self work is in progress one of my new goals. I’m pretty much basically blandly making myself over again for new progress. This will almost be the new me but better and in control ME. I’m trying to get out of my box but it won’t be easy. But I know with my new determination and faith I can and will overcome.
I want to thank all of you for reading my long updated journal it ) Your journal comments and hugs are very much appreciated.
Much hugs to all and best wishes
Christa
UPDATED GOALS
Re-discovery myself
Progress 40%
Encouragements: 3
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Stay positive &optimistic
Progress 10%
Encouragements: 2
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Re-building myself
Progress 5%
Encouragements: 5
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Christa, it sounds like you are taking the right steps and have achieved self-love to an extent at this point. If you can see your self as a supporter of other's needs then you have progressed to a self-loving person and are on the road to healing within. That is a good sign you have taken blame off yourself and are ready to grow as a person and not of a person who wants others to take responsibility for their growth. The steps you have made so far are something you can be proud of, yes, if putting negative relationships in the past solves that, finding new friends that can encourage and support growth is good. That is one of the reasons I am looking to get out of this one job I have, at the time, for me getting the job was considered growth, but now there really is no room for growth within the company, and the employees are really making working there a chore. Nobody there really cares about the job or the guys they work for, and the manager doesn't want anyone leaving, meaning I have to keep a second job just to get a good reference for personal growth for when I'm ready to depart. GOOD LUCK with your goal.
thomas64p1
it's nice to hear that u r making the change. i am as well. i'm not doing any dating either. i, too am stuck on where i will b going next education wise. it seems as if i am not going anywhere fast. i want to get to a university, but since i had to sell my car, and i'm not working. i'm kind of stuck where i am for right now. also, i feel lonely, miserable, a little frustrated and depressed at times, but this education - thing has gotten to me. i want to finish school so bad and get into the working world so i can move out of my parents house. unfortunately, with the economy and the job market being scarce, it has slowed me down. anyway, i am also every where emotionally and mentally. i'm trying to work on myself as well. ever since i got sick a few times, i missed a year of school and am trying to play catch - up. also, i'm trying to get to know myself better. not very easy. i am so complicated and difficult. however, it is a major project. maybe once i finish school, and get into my career ( whatever that maybe), i can make some changes. for instance, lose more weight, deal with this body hair and facial hair issue that has lowered my confidence b/c of my condition. sorry this is long lol.
anyway, i'm hoping that i don't get into my career when i'm too old to do anything or when i'm like 30. i'm 22 and time is flying by so fast, it makes me not want to tolerate life at all. anyway, seeing that i don't have any friends besides you all on DS, i am okay with that. there are most days when i can't tolerate people very well or at all.
so, i'm glad you are making a committ to change and better yourself.
pocohantas05
Yea thats my girl!!! Your so going to make it with that kind of attitude and determination!! Im so happy for you, you have no idea. I just went to my FIRST therapy session and man was it the hardest part of my recovery! Being able to take back yourself when you gave it to someone is going to be your mission. I am dealing with the same things and I feel the whole ride will not only make you even more amazing but make our friendship here warmer than it is....I look forward to reading more of your journals and supporting your goals! Have a great day and thank you so much for sharing :)~
krystinemalave
WOW! Im just so proud of what you're becoming a woman of truth & great character! thats good you want to love yourself more & thats the most important gift you can give yourself....DONT NEVER PUT YOURSELF UP 4 NO MAN, WOMAN or ANYBODY!!! luv you, get yourself 2gether for that special you & that special man & thats Jesus , gurl... Im just happy that you're recognizing your worth & im just out of words I know...its hard on me too I havent been loving myself either trying to be everybody's superwoman and you cant cuz self is 1st!!!! Keep striving for yourself & God will lead you the right path! luv ya xoxo
Isolated83
Wow sounds to me like you know what you want and im sure that it will happen for you hun. I think with the relationship thing you are very wise as you said you need to love yourself first and the rest will come naturally and be all the better for you waiting. After what you have been through it will take time and effort but i have great faith in my beautiful intelligent young friend. Keep me updated as to how it goes sweetheart and if you ever need me i will be here for you. (just remember im only half trained as a youth counsellor though and may not have all the answers, lol.x) Take care, take small steps and may god help you and watch over you as you build your lifexxxx
milly17
I am so glad you are putting yourself first before some guy. I wish I could be as strong as you. I wish you the best luck in your journey
boston2