Bertolotti's Journal

I was born with a condition called Bertolotti Syndrome which is where the L5 vertebrae transverse processes fuse with the iliac crest and try to form a sacrum joint.  I've have one doctor tell me the name of this condition and explained what it is, but none of the many doctors I have been going to will do anything about it.  They all but run when I bring it up.  I found a small amount of information on it and apparently doctors in Finland operated on 16 people for it.  I can't really get to Finland.  I blew out a disc at work back in 1986.  This was when the doctor wrote in a deposition for workmen's comp settlement that this injury brought an existing condition into disabling reality.  I had a spinal fusion in 1987 which failed miserably.  I had another spinal fusion in 2003 where they put rods and screws in my spine.  I have been going downhill ever since.  My orthopedic surgeon suggested maybe taking the rods back out.  The neurologist says I have permanent nerve damage and surgery was more likely to make me worse than better.  I go to a pain management doctor, but he's wanting to just cut my medicine.  I need more - not less.  I can't make it through a day with what I'm getting now and he's wanting to cut me back more!  The medicine works very good for me while it's working.  I am not a drug addict just looking for more pills.  I am a human being in pain and I'm TIRED.  The medicine wears off hours before I'm allowed to take another pill.  It takes about an hour to start working.  Then it lasts about 3 hours.  I still have 2 hours to wait for another dose and then it takes about another hour to start working.  That's three hours in agony and three hours with some relief.  24 hours a day.  7 days a week.  No end for the rest of my life.  It's too hard.  I'm tired.  I've lived in pain for 22 years and I'm tired.  Is there anyone else who has or has ever heard of Bertolotti Syndrome?  Is there anyone that can tell me anything?  I'm seriously considering a pain pump now because I'm tired of the pain.  It goes from my lower back, hip and leg all the way to my toes.  On a scale of one to ten, I stay at 12.  As a matter of fact, I'm not even typing this.  I'm having my wife type it.  I can't sit.  I have a hospital bed in my living room.  That's where I live.  We put it in the living room so I wouldn't have to be alone in the bedroom and so my wife wouldn't have to live in the bedroom to keep me from being alone.  I can't stand to be alone.  Depression is a part of chronic pain, or so they say.  I don't know about that.  I do know that it's a terrible thing and it can consume you if you're not careful.  Someone, please talk to me.  No one but the people who live in chronic pain can understand what I'm going through.  I've even been told to eat cayenne peppers and my back would get better.  I've been told I need to get up and walk and my back would get better.  I CAN'T get up and walk or I WOULD get up and walk.  I have days when I can barely make it to the bathroom and back and they tell me I have to take a walk!  It just makes me angry.  People don't mean to be insensitive, I know, but they are.  I really LOVE it when they say "My back's been hurting today, too."  Or the advertisements for Aleve and Advil that say they stop back pain.  If Aleve or Advil stops your back pain, you don't  HAVE BACK PAIN you have a sore spot.  Please, someone talk to me.  I'm new at this.  This is my first try and I don't even know if I'm doing it right.