Journal Entry for January 2, 2008
January 2, 2008 1:49am
It is the new year, and while I've never posted (or made) resolutions before, I think I need to this year. I'm proud of how much work I was …
So_Up_So_Down 
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About Me
So_Up_So_Down
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About Me
Just someone who needs to find support, comfort, and acceptance. I have PTSD, MDD, and GAD/PD, but I've recently learned all of these are attributable to Aspergers Syndrome, and my ability to cope with life experiences. My spouse and stepson both have AS/ADHD. I'm basically one TIRED unit wondering why I am still alive!
Just someone who needs to find support, comfort, and acceptance. I have PTSD, MDD, and GAD/PD, but I've recently learned all of these are attributable to Aspergers Syndrome, and my ability to cope with life experiences. My spouse and stepson both have AS/ADHD. I'm basically one TIRED unit wondering why I am still alive!
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Journal
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Journal Entry for December 12, 2007
December 12, 2007 5:29am
WOW! It's been since June that I last wrote. Did a lot of work up to then, but I hit the wall at that point and had to scramble back into my …
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Journal Entry for June 26, 2007
June 26, 2007 2:12pm
I am getting REALLY SICK of the predators lurking around this site just trolling for vulnerable victims. So far, DS has done a pretty good job of …
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Journal Entry for June 22, 2007
June 22, 2007 9:11am
Yesterday and the day before, I went looking in earnest for help. Sidra.org gave me a lovely response letter with a list of several local therapists …
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Journal Entry for June 16, 2007
June 16, 2007 5:00am
What is wrong with this world that the treatments and medications that can make the difference between actually HEALING and having a life and …
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Hugbook
Prayer
Hope you're doing OK. Find a safe place to be in and enjoy. People can give so much comfort but they can also cause so much pain. Friends can make a difference and there are so many good people here. Enjoy the sun.
I’m With You
You have my support. I write TMI and excessive talker. Similar deal at school. You write all you want in the AS forum. All made sense.
Hug
Keep the faith!
Hug
((HUGS))
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I’m With You
Want the same for my daughter. In my thoughts.
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Support Groups
Close Asperger Syndrome
Simply known as "not my Mom" to the AS/ADHD stepson I have raised since he was 5 years old.
Treatments
- Adderall Working / Worked
- Too hard to control dose when he was so young and under-sized, but now that he is eating better and has grown some, it's working miracles at school.
Close Physical & Emotional Abuse
Some old story ... nothing special about me.
Treatments
- Abuse Counseling Somewhat Helpful
- Went in so traumatized, I didn't trust my own instincts or thoughts. At least that much is better. I know the red flags; just don't always know what to do about them.
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Diagnosed Complex PTSD, meaning it's way long term, and they have no idea how to cure it. We just medicate it to kinda hold it back.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- Writing helps, but a lot of times, I try to approach the "no fly zone", and just end up in space ... know what I mean?
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Not Working
- Basically BS - it just made things worse.
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- The best combination so far for controlling the social phobia, panic attacks, and major depression ... but I am still a total recluse. Will it ever end?? I feel broken!
- Effexor Working / Worked
- Worked great for three years - then had to change meds.
- Supportive Care Somewhat Helpful
- Helped some; did some additional damage. These "professionals" really have a lot to learn about complex PTSD.
- Topamax Working / Worked
- Works for decreasing incidences of but not severity of migraines.
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionDiagnosed with Complex PTSD, MDD, and GAD/PD ... which means I'm a total recluse wondering why I'm not dead yet. All I want in this world is someone to talk to - to understand, and accept and support me just as I am.
Treatments
- Effexor Working / Worked
- Worked for three years - then had to change meds.
- Elavil Not Working
- To be fair, didn't give it a real chance. I started gaining weight so fast, I quit taking it ... but not before it permanently reset my normal size from size 10 to a 14.
- Electroconvulsive therapy Considering
- I've been considering this, but I am hearing too much about memory loss afterwards, and that would cost me my job.
- Lexapro Working / Worked
- Worked for a while, but what I'm on now works better.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Helped a little. Also made other things a lot worse.
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- Best combination so far to control the worst symptoms enough that I can exist. Still reclusive, but I don't wish I was dead every single day.
Open Self-Injury
As a child, I'd bite my nails until they bled and burned. As a teen, I burned my arms and cut my face. As an adult, I was strictly a cutter. I believe SI is the brain's way of quick-curing itself. The brain's release of endorphins after an injury provides immediate - if temporary relief. It's not being suicidal. It's the opposite! I haven't SI'd in 2 years, but the urge is still there.
Treatments
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- Currently the most successful combination. Get the brain chemicals in balance, and it DOES help!
- Rubber Bands Working / Worked
- Once I realized it was my brain's response to pain that was giving me relief, I realized I could substitute snapping a rubber band on my wrist or arm for cutting.
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- Too many counselors think "self injury" and "suicidal ideation" are the same thing. It didn't help me at all!
Open Sexual Abuse
Not ready to talk about it yet, but I'm here. That's a first step.
Treatments
- Abuse Counseling Not Working
- Actually CREATED more trust issues than it solved, and left me feeling alienated and hopeless.
Open Eating Disorders
Type: AnorexiaI cycle between binge eating and anorexia. My real issue is Body Dysmorphic Disorder, but there's no support group for that, and I haven't found anywhere else to turn.
Treatments
- Lexapro Working / Worked
- Worked for a while in combination with Wellbutrin.
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- 'Least helps me feel normal most of the time.
Open Smoking Addiction & Recovery
Smoker since I was 14; I've quit many times for as long as a year. Last time I seriously tried to quit was horrible; major depression, weight gain, and completely obsessed with the quit, wanting to smoke, and my support group. That was 9 years ago. Ready to try it again.
Treatments
- Cold Turkey Working / Worked
- Has worked for me when I was pregnant and needed to quit. Otherwise, I am too much a creature of habit to "just quit".
- Hard Candy Not Working
- Nicotine Gum Working / Worked
- Didn't work when it first came out due to horrible taste. They're much improved, and may work better than patches for that "up and down" zen feeling of having a smoke.
- Nicotine Patch Working / Worked
- They help. I'm thinking now that a steady 24-hour stream of nicotine might better be a second step... after using lozenges or gum for the "immediate hit" of nicotine I crave.
- Support Groups Somewhat Helpful
- It was helpful, but also caused me to obsess about my quit. Posted constantly for support or just to rant. This time, I hope to gain support, but keep it in perspective and not rely on the group to sustain my quit.
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
- It didn't help me quit or create any aversion to smoking, but it was a miracle when quitting got my body chemistry so out of whack that I had a major depressive episode. Wellbutrin got me back to being "myself".
- Willpower Working / Worked
- Quit any time I was pregnant, so I was motivated. Worked every time.
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Groups
