Journal

I can't say i've been keeping up with my goals.

I have just recently moved, and am back at school. I feel in general I have been more active. And I have been keeping track of what I am eating on fitday.com. Now I m down 10 lbs since I joined DS.

I also am using a detox system...but I don't think it is doing much...it is supose to make you sweat more...and I am on medication that is supose to stop me from sweating...and I think they are counteracting each other. Plus I have been drinking ect...which counteracts as well. Also I dunno if anyone else with hyperhidrosis is taking robinual...but I can't remember when I had my period last, and I am assuming that is a side effect, since i'm single and i haven't slept with anyone recently. So i'm not prego.

So my point being that I believe the additional recent weight loss is a result of being more active and watching what i eat, more than a detox clense.

So i went back to my derm 2day. Things aren't looking good. My meds are only helping slightly, but they are giving me aweful sideeffects. Nasusia, dry mouth, crazy dry eyes. I also can neevr seem to sleep, not sure if that is a direct coorelation to my meds.

And apparently...these meds are my only hope. There is no surgry for my type of hyperhidrosis.

Well it could be helpful for the hormone speciallist to find something in my blood work, and find an underlying cause for my condition.

So I got upset at the doctors alittle, and my eyes welled up. He assured me that it was okay, and he's used to it. And I am sure he is. I've seen a few paitents leave the examining room crying.

Then I get out to the car and my dad is waiting. And he is pissed...my apt was at 10:00, and I didn't get in until 11:15. And he sees i'm crying. And becuz I don't to really discuss it, when he asked why I said that it was becuz I don't know whats going on with me, and the doctor isn't sure what to do.

He starts yelling at me. Critizing me for being so emotional, telling me that in all this time I am the only person who left the office in tears. Telling me how immature I am, and how inconsiderate of anyone elses feelings I am.

And this of course only makes me cry more, but I am trying to hold it in, which prolongs my crying. He starts asking me if I need to see someone about this, and how my brother and mom agree that I cry alot.

He later somewhat says sorry, for yelling, not for any of the horrible things he said, and explains how he must have just been frustrated not knowing what is going on with me.

For starters...yes I am sensitive. I am only 20, and not fully emotionally mature.

However I am quite mature in all other areas of my life, especailly considering my age. I am very considerate of other peoples feelings.

So as I sit next to him in the car crying, as he is yelling at me, scared even now that he will hit me. He hasn't hit me since I was 13 or 14, but when he yells it is automatically my first thought.

He was so inconsiderate to yell at his crying child, instead of comforting me. Is it crazy for me to think that when someone is crying, to try and help instead of hurt?

I am sensitive, but I don't cry particularly often, if it weren't for havign to deal with my condition, and talking to doctors about, and on top of that getting bad news regarding it, I would go months upon months without crying.

I do not need to see anyone about any issues. I do not judge those who do. But seeing someone else, isn't going to make it easier for me to talk to my family about any issues. I mean I felt so uncomfortable in the car, I was scared, I was sad, and I was frustrated, that I had no other choice but to listen to the slander spilling out of his mouth. If I were to stand up to him, he would turn the car around, and I would be stranded at my parents house, with no way of getting back to my apt. Unless I had $100 to spend on a cab, which I really really don't.

I really need a hug!

Feeling pretty blah about my body. I haven't been dieting the last few days. I haven't been going over board, but I have been eating poorly, and not exercising. Plus I have been drinking, and such.

However tomorrow is  a new day. I want to actually write down this time exactly how I plan on executing this goal of mine. I need to start putting this goal to get healthy and in better shape, above my social life which has me drinking and eating in excess.

Right now I am fasting for 12 hours before I get blood work done, which will hopefully give me some answers regarding my HH.

I am determined this time to really see this through.