Journal

PT lady is about to destroy me.  She apparently believes that success in treatments can be measured by the volume of my protests and the degree to which my hapless limbs can be distorted far outside their normal position. But, hope against hope, I dutifully do the exercises. It's a task equal to Sisyphus'(roll boulder to top of mountain by day; it falls back down durung the night ) except my particular boulder always rolls back downhill to a slightly lower spot than yesterday. Or so it seems. Then why do I exercise?  Because for a brief time, maybe 30-45 min. after the groaning and  stretching, I feel almost normal.

I remember once my NEUROLOGIST  commented on how well I was doing and that I wa s exercising, etc.  I asked him what other people do. He said many just give up.  Since I'm  uncertain where I'll end up in the afterlife I have no c hoice but to  hold on to what I've got.

Stayed in hospital for three days during which time they decided that the medicine I've been taking for PD probably hasn't been doing much of anything. (hhhhmmmppphhh!) I disagree but do admit the difference in  symptoms when "on" and "off" were not pronounced. If they are right I can kiss the DBS good-bye.

As if to confirm my belief that the Sinemet helped 2 days after I returned home (at which time i was only on 200 mg. day) I started having stiffness, loss of balance, freezing, weakness, etc. Weakness is like I've never had before. Fatigue. Getting out of bed requires much aforethought and planning. Lying  on my stomach with hands underneath is a dangerous position since I may not get up before circulation to my hands is impaired. Walking procedes at a snails pace of about 4 inches a step. When I go to turn a corner my feet become all entangled and I fall on the floor. My hands tremble really for the first time--that's noticeable. Having a hard enough time just walking its no wonder I dropped a meal tray in the cafeteria. Some one grabbed the tray out of my hand or there wouldve been another custodial project.

As the PD symptoms seem to be worsening I'm going to a support group for all us whackos who have recently had significant in-/out-patient psych treatment.

Plans are moving very slowly to haul my ass back to Minnesota this summer/fall to stay.