Journal

the loneliness is all consuming.the kids call everyday and i love hearing from them. but what do i tell them how my day is. I ask of their day and their work and thank goodness i am still part of their lives. i wish the saddness would lighten i get dressed everyday and go out with out any direction, there is nothing to buy or do. so by noon im home again playing on the computer of watiching tv.tried to get a volunteer position but everyone is full with people. tis the season, goodbye

had to do some repair work on my computer. hard but not to hard. getting up and down from the floor was fun. my poor arthritic knee. l had to go to the mall to buy a present yesturday. first time out of the house in days, I have no where to go. The friends lol finally got jobs. I worked all my married life and they were ladies of lunch lesiure. now good for them I wish I could find something to cover my days, the days are so quiet and lonely. started crying after dinner, joshua came for dinnner he is such a good heart he lives close and enjoys comming for good food not the stuff he throws together when he gets home from work. Seth and Tracy are so busy at their jobs thank goodness. so many people are just not working and can't find anything,. I'm looking for a volunteer thing but because of insurance and liability noone is doing that anymore. I need to go out of the house more often and try to limit my self from going to the cemetery. I cry no I wail when I see our name across the stone. I hope I will be with you soon. Just like my parents. My mother lived only 5 years past my father. I know how lonely she was I saw her almost everyday. How she loved to hold my kids, and loved to hear grandma. I just wondering when the pain will get lighter in my heart.